Every so often people send me forwarded emails. Of course they do. It’s a fact of life for anyone with an email account, is it not? And mostly they’re okay-ish and I read them and smile, and sometimes they’re junk and I hit delete, but occasionally you find a little gem.

Here’s one I found in my inbox this morning from one of my oldest friends. I knew her at primary school, and though we moved a long way apart many years ago, we still keep in touch. And it’s clever, and warm and witty, and thought-provoking, just like my friend Estelle, so I’m passing it along to you guys.

In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and
spinach, with green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds so Man and Woman
would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God’s bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Ice Cream and Magnums.
And Satan said, ‘You want hot fudge with that? And Man said, ‘Yes!’ And
Woman said, ‘I’ll have one too with chocolate chips’. And so they gained 10
pounds.

And God created the healthy yoghurt that woman might keep the figure that
man found so fair.

And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane
and combined them. And Woman went from size 12 to size 14.

So God said, ‘Try my fresh green salad’. And Satan presented Blue Cheese
dressing and garlic croutons on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their
belts following the repast.

God then said ‘I have sent you healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to
cook them’.

And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut king prawns, butter-dipped
lobster chunks and chicken fried steak, so big it needed its own platter,
and Man’s cholesterol went through the roof.

Then God brought forth the potato; naturally low in fat and brimming with
potassium and good nutrition.

Then Satan peeled off the healthy skin and sliced the starchy centre into
chips and deep-fried them in animal fats adding copious quantities of salt.
And Man put on more pounds. God then brought forth running shoes so that his
Children might lose those extra pounds.

And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so Man would not
have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried
before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.

Then God gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still
satisfy his appetite.

And Satan created McDonalds and the 99p double cheeseburger. Then Satan said
‘You want fries with that?’ and Man replied, ‘Yes, and super size ‘em’. And
Satan said, ‘It is good.’ And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed ……… and created quadruple by-pass surgery.

And then ………… Satan chuckled and created the National Health
Service.

That first part gave me a few chuckles, then I read this, which is just hilarious -

THE FINAL WORD ON NUTRITION

After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here’s the final word
on nutrition and health.:

1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than
us.
4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart
attacks than us.
5. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer
heart attacks than us.
6. The French eat foie-gras, full fat cheese and drink red wine and suffer
fewer heart attacks than us

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what
kills you.

Finally, to complete the ‘I really don’t mind this forwarded email at all feel, here’s the addendum.

Send this to at least 14 friends in the next 60 minutes to receive
absolutely nothing back and something good may not happen, but may, or again
may not, but who cares, cos it’s funny!

Now, that’s the kind of forwarded email I like! I never forward the ones with threats or wild promises or hints of bad luck. Let that be the lesson to the writers …