Tragedy struck this household last week, when my beloved iGallop broke while being exercised, and Could Not Be Fixed.
It began making clunking and graunching noises and wobbling somewhat erratically, all of which made me just a tad nervous about entrusting my delicate self to its care. Now, I’ve never been absolutely certain that this particular iGallop isn’t a knock-off for several reasons, one of which was that we hadn’t had it long before little things began falling off it, and another that there is no after-sales service at all – just these words:
In the event of an item being received that develops a fault you will be required to contact either the manufacturer or supplier direct for any service issues or faults with your product.
Sounds like a cop-out, doesn’t it? Another reason I’m suspicious is that I didn’t get the official training video with it, and I received virtually no paperwork, which means no address for either manufacturer or supplier … uhh … hang on a minute – aren’t the people who sold it to me the suppliers? But they deny it. And they want nothing more to do with me or the iGallop now that they’ve got my money, and since I can’t find the receipt, I’m fucked.
We gave it some thought, and decided that the best thing to do would be to cut our losses and go and buy a new one – only this time we would buy from a reputable retailer who would act responsibly in the event of any complaint we might have. So we trotted along to the gym department in John Lewis and chose a rival model called the iJoy-Ride – and I have to say, watching the forty-something sales assistant giving a demonstration of its action in his pin-striped suit was quite educational. I mean, exactly where do you look when assessing the motion imparted by a piece of exercise equipment?
So.  Anyway.
When we told Son No. 1 about our new toy, the following conversation ensued:
Son No. 1: ‘So … the iGallop was an exercise machine which was supposed to mimic horse-riding?’
Me:Â ‘Well, it wasn’t exactly like horse-riding, but that was the general idea, yes.’
Son No. 1: ‘What does this one do then? Simulate being in a stolen Vauxhall Nova going down a cobblestone street?’
Me: ‘Hmm. Maybe so!
Son No. 1 (in an interested tone): ‘Do you get a seat belt and everything, which you can then leave negligently unplugged?’
I don’t know where he gets this tendency to think like a criminal. I really don’t.
The new machine will be delivered soon, and then I suppose I’d better throw out my straw stetson and buy myself a baseball cap to wear the wrong way round while riding it. An insolent expression wouldn’t come amiss, either, so don’t worry if you catch me scowling at myself in the hall mirror. I’ll just be getting in some practice for when my new exercise equipment arrives.
I just hope I’m not expected to set fire to it at the end of the session.
Ha ha ha! First you will have to ‘drive’ it to a local park, so you can set fire to it in the middle of a lovely green area, scorching the grass!
babs – beetles last blog post..A thank you, and a rant!
I have honestly never seen or heard of a more comical exercise contraption! I mean since when did galloping a horse constitute exercise. What do you do, sit on it? I just hope you remember your riding helmut!
Bainos last blog post..Every Picture Tells a Story
I have never heard of this!!! Yes, what exactly are you “toning up” ???
Maureens last blog post.. Summer Vacation
Hmm…isn’t there a country bar close-by where you can hop on a mechanical bull and get the same exercise?
You could also do a mean impression of Debra Winger in “Urban Cowboy.” 
Mr. Nighttimes last blog post.. It don’t mean a thing if it ain’t got that swing
Babs – I suppose you’re right. *Sigh* Do you think anyone will mind if I skip that part? LOL!
Baino – Good grief, woman, of course galloping a horse is exercise! Hard, whole-body exercise! You haven’t been riding for a while, have you? Well, if you doubt me, I suggest you get on one pronto and do just fifteen minutes (the length of time this machine is programmed to run for a minimum session) trotting and cantering and see how jellylike your legs are afterwards. ROFL!
Trust me, it’s exercise. Even with this machine, you’d find you have to work up to the full programme even for fifteen minutes. Of course, I am old and feeble and I do have wrecked joints and fibromyalgia, so maybe it’s just me ..
Maureen – You are toning legs, hips and abs, and you are also loosening up your spine and improving your posture. In fact the spine-loosening effect is what I’m missing right now. I’m really stiff after a week with no iGallop.
Mr N – Uh … no. Those mechanical bulls are unpredictable and violent. I’m not trusting my neck and back to them, and anyway, I have a feeling that if I fell off, it wouldn’t do my shoulders a lot of good, either. LOL!
Well, it’s a good thing I read the comments as well. I thought you had to stand on that contraption, turns out you would have been a circus artist!
Maras last blog post.. So tired
omg I am visualising you now !!!omg
sandys last blog post.. A story sent to me this week …
Baseball cap backwards?????????? That I have got to see!
kates last blog post.. Green Fingers
I always thought that riding a horse gave one’s derriere a certain panoramic shape! I don’t know though. Think of Zara Phillips and Kate Price. It wouldn’t be bad to end up with a ‘rear of the year’ award would it. Ride ‘em cowgirl!
Granny Grimbles last blog post.. Not all plates are Claris Cliff
By the way Jay, the coffee is delicious. The only trouble being that my OH who doesn’t care for coffee at all, has decided that he really digs this one, and so I find myself having to share it with him. I didn’t manage that very well did I?
Granny Grimbles last blog post.. Not all plates are Claris Cliff
Ive never heard of these exercise devices!
meleah rebeccahs last blog post.. Happy Father’s Day
Jay, you never fail to further my education! I had no idea such torture contraptions were on the market (thanks for solving what to buy hubby for our anniversary, I can’t wait to see his face).
Good old John Lewis, they deliver everything free to our island, my favourite store. When it arrives we want a demonstration with pictures please..
HA! I’ve heard of the iGallop but never seen an actual photo to prove its existence.
I bet it’s hard exercise. I’ve never ridden a horse, but the sheer terror would probably burn a few calories. That, and falling off repeatedly.
You go, cowgirl!
JD at I Do Thingss last blog post.. I watched Mr Sardonicus so you don’t have to
I’ve never heard of one of those! If you hadn’t shown a photo I’d have sworn you were making it up!
lizs last blog post.. For the child
hahahahahaha!
I’m picturing you with an insolent expression! heehee!!
Hilarious, Jay! Annie Oakley incarnate!
petra michelles last blog post.. Father knows best
hahaha, What is that following my commentj?! Ignore that last comment, Jay, as I don’t exist! LOL
petra michelles last blog post.. Father knows best
Mara – Good heavens, I hope not! If I’m supposed to stand on it I’m definitely doing it wrong! LOL!
Sandy – Funny, eh?
Kate – You would laugh yourself sick if you saw me in a baseball cap, backwards or not! They do NOT suit me!
Granny – I find that riding horses tightens up the bum, and strengthens the thighs. I suppose it depends on your basic body shape though.
I’m glad to hear you like the coffee – it’s definitely my favourite! Just a shame they don’t do it in larger jars, isn’t it?
Meleah – Well, I had the iGallop for about eighteen months, and the iJoy-Ride has been around about as long. Not so many people buy them as the standard bike and treadmill though.
Shrinky – Oh, it’s not a torture device, it’s quite fun! Although it is hard on the thigh muscles particularly, at first. I actually enjoy using it. Yes, JLP is a great place to buy stuff. Good quality and good service, although they’re not quite as good as they were when we first started going there.
JD – Aha .. not a horse-lover then? Well, I can understand people being nervous of horses. They’re large, and they’re unpredictable if you don’t know them well. But I’ve always loved them. Gosh, I was quite intrepid as a teenager, when I had less sense – I’m more cautious now, but still enjoy riding.
Liz – Oh, they’re quite authentic and absolutely real, I can assure you! LOL!
Jeannine – What, you’ve never seen me do ‘insolent’? Hahaha!!
Petra – Oh no. I don’t shoot anything. ROFL!
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