As you all know, we’re on holiday at the moment, touring America from East to West, starting in Washington DC and Delaware and ending in Vegas. Yesterday we drove from Bryce to St George, Utah.
Such a pretty drive. We chose the scenic route (naturally), and it took longer than it should have (naturally) because I kept stopping to take photographs, including that one up there of a stunningly beautiful pull-in where we ate our picnic lunch and OH caused a minor ecological shift by peeing in the bushes, there not being a restroom in sight.
So a little later we found a gas station and I stopped and used their restroom and bought myself a nice big cup of French Vanilla coffee. I’m not really a coffee drinker, not a real coffee drinker, but I do love that stuff.
And I sipped the coffee till it was all gone, and then I drank the bottle of water I’d brought with me because we’re in the desert, right? And you need to drink a lot when you’re in the desert, don’t you? Especially if you’re on diuretics and you’ve just loaded up with caffeine. I’m a sensible person, me.
A little later, OH said ‘Would you like to take a detour? There’s a great little place up here called Cedar Breaks. It’s like a mini Bryce Canyon in the making, with the hoodoos just coming out of the rock. It’s not very big, but it’s really pretty!’
So I said yes, I would (naturally), because I love Bryce, and off we set. The skies were a little grey by now, but we’d been very lucky with the weather, and we didn’t think much of it, and we drove on up. And up, and up.
And sprinklings of pretty snow appeared at the roadside and we oohed and aahed at all the natural beauty, and then the mist appeared, and it turned into dense fog, and the snow got thicker and thicker until we realised that it wasn’t fog. Cedar Breaks is at an elevation of somewhere around 9,000 feet, you see, and we’d driven straight up into low cloud.
Well, we continued on, because I needed a restroom by now and OH remembered there being one at the top, and you never knew, we might have been able to see something of the view …
So we got there, and this is the view from the top.
It’s all very pretty with the snow and everything, but by now I’m pretty desperate for that restroom, so we parked close by the little wooden building so I didn’t have to walk too far in the snow wearing my nice new suede mountain trainers, and this is the sight we saw.
You know what that sign on the door says, don’t you? Yep? ‘Restrooms closed for the season’.
Being a woman, I figured I might be able to hold on, but what with the slippery roads and having to put the car into four-wheel drive and crawl, halfway down the mountain I decided that no, I couldn’t. It was far, far too cold to get out and drop my jeans – and besides, the odd car was still passing us – so I did what I thought at the time was a Sensible Thing. I stood on the running board, loosened my jeans and inserted my empty coffee cup.
Now. Remember we are at 9,000 feet? My ears were muffled, the snow muffled the sound further, and it was a nice, quiet, syrofoam cup. I couldn’t hear a thing. And let me tell you that this middle-aged woman’s bladder contained a tad more than 20 fluid ounces (the size of a French Vanilla coffee cup), and what’s more, it’s actually quite hard to balance on a running board while extricating a full cup from the depths of your trousers.
So thanks to the Cedar Breaks’ restrooms being closed for the season, I drove the rest of the way to St George with damp jeans, sitting on a Bryce Canyon tourist information newspaper to save the hired car’s upholstery.
And what did OH say? In response to my cry of ‘It’s alright for you men!’, he said: ‘I’m sorry.’
He said:Â ‘I’m sorry you’re a woman!’
Oh well. You have to laugh, don’t you?
Murphy’s Law, don’t you know. In the end, though, you do have to laugh. What else can you do?
Pretty, pretty pictures, Jay!
.-= Tuli´s last blog ..Walk =-.
Get away….you’re just such an exhibitionist ! At 9,000ft you were risking “yellow icicle syndrome” too.
Hope you didn’t look for a coffee refill at the next gas station.
.-= Silverback´s last blog ..A Dim View Of Memory Lane =-.
OH no! At least you were ‘alone’. I think I would have dispensed with the cup and just done a squat in the snow! Maybe there’s a reason why women never used to wear trousers!
.-= Baino´s last blog ..Memelicious Monday =-.
Brilliant – I can just visualise you – but at least you had your coffee cup!!! Glad you’re having a fun time!
.-= kate´s last blog ..A Garden Makeover! =-.
Sometimes its hard to be a woman… I’d go for the trees every time, embrace the elements. I’ve heard of those shewee plastic funnel things that you can use without taking any clothes off, but I’ve always wondered what you do with them afterwards.
.-= Joy´s last blog ..ABC Wednesday – N =-.
Needing to pee badly is one of the worst feelings in the world. After one particularly long dive, I had a decompression stop of 20 minutes and I was wearing a drysuit. Those were the longest 20 minutes of my entire life! The blessed relief when I got that suit off……..I would have peed anywhere!
Still, you couldn’t have picked a nicer spot! I love Utah.
.-= Don’t Bug Me!´s last blog ..The One Place to See Before You Die. =-.
My 4 year old niece would have told you to just “pop a squat”. That’s what she calls watering the bushes:)
.-= The Incredible Woody´s last blog ..Open Letter =-.
At least you didn’t squat above a nest of nasty biting ants! Although: wet trousers versus bites? I don’t know which is worse. It makes for a fantastically funny story though…
.-= Mara´s last blog ..Goodnight =-.
Funny story. I’m also glad you didn’t fall or drop the cup or, worse yet, freeze a vital part!
.-= Stillie´s last blog ..Seeing Scott =-.
Watch out where the huskies go, and don’t you eat that yellow snow…
.-= Mr. Nighttime´s last blog ..Tis’ grand… =-.
Hey, you did what you had to do. Thank god you had that cup, at least, even if it wasn’t quite sufficient to the task.
Let’s face it: no matter how creative we get: women are just not meant to pee outside.
(But that scenery is lovely!)
.-= JD at I Do Things´s last blog ..I Judge Things so you don’t have to =-.
Tuli – Thanks! Yes, it’s just so pretty here! The fens are going to seem very drab when we get home.
Silverback – Yellow icicle syndrome is exactly why I didn’t want to actually step out and squat. As I said to OH, it’s OK for you guys, you just have to open up a tiny section of clothing and you’re fine. We have to expose out whole nether region – and trust me, it would have been more than just yellow icicles. Frostbite at the very least! LOL!
Baino – Now,that’s the most sensible argument I’ve heard yet for wearing skirts. And those old fashioned split bloomers, too! Maybe there’s something to be said for that exotic lingerie after all …
Kate – Yeah, I just wish I’d had a bigger coffee cup! ROFL!
Joy – That’s what I thought of too, after I was back in the car. ‘Why didn’t I buy some of those disposable women’s urinal thingies? Next time I’m bringing one or two along, that’s for sure!
DBM – Ahahaha! Yep, that sounds nasty for sure! I’m laughing, but I do sympathise, too. Sounds like a very tense twenty minutes…
Yes, we love Utah, too. So much beauty, so much to see and do. Haven’t seen any rattlesnakes or mountain lions yet, but I’ve seen lizards and a peregrine falcon yesterday – that was a thrill. Lots of ravens, too, and they’re pretty rare back home!
Incredible Woody – If it hadn’t been at freezing point up there, with a wind that would strip paint, that’s what I’d have done, too!
Mara – No, no ants. Though OH did nearly sit on a boulder covered with giant red ants to tie his shoelace in Arches National Park till I stopped him. That would have made another good blog, huh? LOL!
Stillie – Oh … what a horrible thought, dropping the cup! ROFL! No, thank heavens I didn’t do that!
Mr N – I ain’t no husky, but I’m sure the same applies! LOL!
JD – I knew you would understand. I wish you’d done that so I didn’t have to, though!
Yep, I think you’re right. We delicate little hothouse flowers are just not meant to pee outside. *Sigh*
ROFL!
I think the wet britches were worth it to get such gorgeous pictures and a funnnnnny story!
.-= ethelmaepotter´s last blog ..Live Chat with Mother Nature =-.
O that’s the best laugh I’ve had for ages – was going to comment on your N post – the fountain looks nice but the rest seem just too Noisy – but the tale of your trek through the snow has just set me up for the day!
.-= Gerald´s last blog ..Shadow Sunday: Nuuk =-.