As you all know, we’re on holiday at the moment, touring America from East to West, starting in Washington DC and Delaware and ending in Vegas.Â Yesterday we drove from Bryce to St George, Utah.
Such a pretty drive.Â We chose the scenic route (naturally), and it took longer than it should have (naturally) because I kept stopping to take photographs, including that one up there of a stunningly beautiful pull-in where we ate our picnic lunch and OH caused a minor ecological shift by peeing in the bushes, there not being a restroom in sight.
So a little later we found a gas station and I stopped and used their restroom and bought myself a nice big cup of French Vanilla coffee.Â I’m not really a coffee drinker, not a real coffee drinker, but I do love that stuff.
And I sipped the coffee till it was all gone, and then I drank the bottle of water I’d brought with me because we’re in the desert, right?Â And you need to drink a lot when you’re in the desert, don’t you?Â Especially if you’re on diuretics and you’ve just loaded up with caffeine.Â I’m a sensible person, me.
A little later, OH said ‘Would you like to take a detour?Â There’s a great little place up here called Cedar Breaks. It’s like a mini Bryce Canyon in the making, with the hoodoos just coming out of the rock. It’s not very big, but it’s really pretty!’
So I said yes, I would (naturally), because I love Bryce, and off we set.Â The skies were a little grey by now, but we’d been very lucky with the weather, and we didn’t think much of it, and we drove on up.Â And up, and up.
And sprinklings of pretty snow appeared at the roadside and we oohed and aahed at all the natural beauty, and then the mist appeared, and it turned into dense fog, and the snow got thicker and thicker until we realised that it wasn’t fog.Â Cedar Breaks is at an elevation of somewhere around 9,000 feet, you see, and we’d driven straight up into low cloud.
Well, we continued on, because I needed a restroom by now and OH remembered there being one at the top, and you never knew, we might have been able to see something of the view …
So we got there, and this is the view from the top.
It’s all very pretty with the snow and everything, but by now I’m pretty desperate for that restroom, so we parked close by the little wooden building so I didn’t have to walk too far in the snow wearing my nice new suede mountain trainers, and this is the sight we saw.
You know what that sign on the door says, don’t you?Â Yep?Â ‘Restrooms closed for the season’.
Being a woman, I figured I might be able to hold on, but what with the slippery roads and having to put the car into four-wheel drive and crawl, halfway down the mountain I decided that no, I couldn’t.Â It was far, far too cold to get out and drop my jeans – and besides, the odd car was still passing us – so I did what I thought at the time was a Sensible Thing.Â I stood on the running board, loosened my jeans and inserted my empty coffee cup.
Now.Â Remember we are at 9,000 feet?Â My ears were muffled, the snow muffled the sound further, and it was a nice, quiet, syrofoam cup. I couldn’t hear a thing.Â And let me tell you that this middle-aged woman’s bladder contained a tad more than 20 fluid ounces (the size of a French Vanilla coffee cup), and what’s more, it’s actually quite hard to balance on a running board while extricating a full cup from the depths of your trousers.
So thanks to the Cedar Breaks’ restrooms being closed for the season, I drove the rest of the way to St George with damp jeans, sitting on a Bryce Canyon tourist information newspaper to save the hired car’s upholstery.
And what did OH say?Â In response to my cry of ‘It’s alright for you men!’, he said: ‘I’m sorry.’
He said:Â ‘I’m sorry you’re a woman!’
Oh well.Â You have to laugh, don’t you?