Comments on: Are you a victim? http://www.thedeppeffect.com/185/are-you-a-victim/ Fri, 21 Nov 2008 22:02:30 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.3.3 By: Jay http://www.thedeppeffect.com/185/are-you-a-victim/#comment-381 Jay Sun, 25 May 2008 12:36:38 +0000 http://www.thedeppeffect.com/185/are-you-a-victim/#comment-381 It's all good, Doris! :) It’s all good, Doris! :)

]]> By: Doris http://www.thedeppeffect.com/185/are-you-a-victim/#comment-380 Doris Sun, 25 May 2008 09:37:08 +0000 http://www.thedeppeffect.com/185/are-you-a-victim/#comment-380 Yep, no-ones going to re-shuffle so might as well make the best of what we have. But I'm still not going to give thanks for it! (And I wonder why I am stuck?! .... Perhaps I need to look at this stuff again ...but it digresses from what you were originally saying so I'll take it off for a while and put it on the mantlepiece for further consideration another time!) :-) Doriss last blog post..<a href="http://doris-mash.blogspot.com/2008/05/day-out.html" rel="nofollow">Day Out</a> Yep, no-ones going to re-shuffle so might as well make the best of what we have. But I’m still not going to give thanks for it! (And I wonder why I am stuck?! …. Perhaps I need to look at this stuff again …but it digresses from what you were originally saying so I’ll take it off for a while and put it on the mantlepiece for further consideration another time!)

:-)
Doriss last blog post..Day Out

]]> By: Jay http://www.thedeppeffect.com/185/are-you-a-victim/#comment-371 Jay Sat, 24 May 2008 18:56:10 +0000 http://www.thedeppeffect.com/185/are-you-a-victim/#comment-371 You have a point, Doris. Maybe we survive <i>despite</i> the things that happen ... but I do believe that you have to play with the cards you're dealt, whatever they are. No use whining, cos no-one's going to reshuffle them for you. ;) You have a point, Doris. Maybe we survive despite the things that happen … but I do believe that you have to play with the cards you’re dealt, whatever they are. No use whining, cos no-one’s going to reshuffle them for you. ;)

]]> By: Doris http://www.thedeppeffect.com/185/are-you-a-victim/#comment-366 Doris Sat, 24 May 2008 18:04:53 +0000 http://www.thedeppeffect.com/185/are-you-a-victim/#comment-366 Your teacher sounds magnificent and am heartened to hear that someone didn't give up. I'm still not sure I am happy with the idea of these things being character forming. What I mean is, one way or another they do make a difference to us and maybe help us to be better people but it is as if to say "thank you" for certain bad things that happened. Who is to say that we didn't have certain characteristics anyway and these have survived despite the bad things? If that makes sense. (Anyway, it is just me projecting my own sour grapes about things that happened to me!!!) Doriss last blog post..<a href="http://doris-mash.blogspot.com/2008/05/pace-of-life.html" rel="nofollow">The pace of life</a> Your teacher sounds magnificent and am heartened to hear that someone didn’t give up.

I’m still not sure I am happy with the idea of these things being character forming. What I mean is, one way or another they do make a difference to us and maybe help us to be better people but it is as if to say “thank you” for certain bad things that happened. Who is to say that we didn’t have certain characteristics anyway and these have survived despite the bad things? If that makes sense. (Anyway, it is just me projecting my own sour grapes about things that happened to me!!!)

Doriss last blog post..The pace of life

]]> By: Jay http://www.thedeppeffect.com/185/are-you-a-victim/#comment-362 Jay Sat, 24 May 2008 10:32:29 +0000 http://www.thedeppeffect.com/185/are-you-a-victim/#comment-362 Doris, thanks. What you say is so true. We all have that potential, and there have been times in my life that I've behaved less than well. I spend a lot of time these days second-guessing myself and checking my own behaviour and motives, because there is no way I want to be like the girls who did that to me. On the whole, while the experience was horrible, it was - for me - character forming. Maybe it did prevent me from being a bully later in life? As to the kindly teacher, she didn't give up, bless her. She was my local Girl Guide leader and she persuaded me to join and pointed me in the direction of activities she thought would help. Looking back, she did a lot to support me during that time and I'll always be grateful to her. Doris, thanks. What you say is so true. We all have that potential, and there have been times in my life that I’ve behaved less than well. I spend a lot of time these days second-guessing myself and checking my own behaviour and motives, because there is no way I want to be like the girls who did that to me.

On the whole, while the experience was horrible, it was - for me - character forming. Maybe it did prevent me from being a bully later in life?

As to the kindly teacher, she didn’t give up, bless her. She was my local Girl Guide leader and she persuaded me to join and pointed me in the direction of activities she thought would help. Looking back, she did a lot to support me during that time and I’ll always be grateful to her.

]]> By: Doris http://www.thedeppeffect.com/185/are-you-a-victim/#comment-356 Doris Sat, 24 May 2008 07:41:54 +0000 http://www.thedeppeffect.com/185/are-you-a-victim/#comment-356 Why is it that when a kindly adult steps in and tries to help that we brush it all away as if it is no deal in the scheme of things. What is it in our psychology that does that and what is it, as the person asking, that gives up asking? Maybe like in sales where a person needs to have 3 opportunities to have the info presented for a sale to be more likely, maybe we need to be asking kids on a number of occasions to give them time to process and to re-consider. I had a rubbish time at school but nowhere like yours .... that insidious mis-treatment is awful. End result is pretty much the same though - so distracting and one leaves school ASAP with nothing to show for it. It is sad to remember these things but also important. If only we had better care around us. On the subject of bullies and bullying. We mustn't underestimate the potential for any of us to be involved in actually bullying. Of course I can't imagine I would bully anyone but there have been times when in my need to be part of a group that I have stepped out my comfort zone and perhaps laughed about this or that person and, in effect, bullied. When my daughter was eleven she was tall and beautiful and popular but she didn't realise it. Her life swayed between being bullied and being the bully-er. We pulled her out of school and home educated her for her own sanity but also, I could see she had the potential to bully. I think it is important to remember that the bullies are not always someone else but sometimes it is us too and we must always keep check on our own behaviours. As painful and as unfair as that seems, I think that is the only way we can really knock bullying on the head. (((Hugs to you Jay))) Doriss last blog post..<a href="http://doris-mash.blogspot.com/2008/05/pace-of-life.html" rel="nofollow">The pace of life</a> Why is it that when a kindly adult steps in and tries to help that we brush it all away as if it is no deal in the scheme of things. What is it in our psychology that does that and what is it, as the person asking, that gives up asking? Maybe like in sales where a person needs to have 3 opportunities to have the info presented for a sale to be more likely, maybe we need to be asking kids on a number of occasions to give them time to process and to re-consider.

I had a rubbish time at school but nowhere like yours …. that insidious mis-treatment is awful. End result is pretty much the same though - so distracting and one leaves school ASAP with nothing to show for it. It is sad to remember these things but also important. If only we had better care around us.

On the subject of bullies and bullying. We mustn’t underestimate the potential for any of us to be involved in actually bullying. Of course I can’t imagine I would bully anyone but there have been times when in my need to be part of a group that I have stepped out my comfort zone and perhaps laughed about this or that person and, in effect, bullied. When my daughter was eleven she was tall and beautiful and popular but she didn’t realise it. Her life swayed between being bullied and being the bully-er. We pulled her out of school and home educated her for her own sanity but also, I could see she had the potential to bully. I think it is important to remember that the bullies are not always someone else but sometimes it is us too and we must always keep check on our own behaviours. As painful and as unfair as that seems, I think that is the only way we can really knock bullying on the head.

(((Hugs to you Jay)))

Doriss last blog post..The pace of life

]]> By: Jay http://www.thedeppeffect.com/185/are-you-a-victim/#comment-343 Jay Thu, 22 May 2008 19:13:28 +0000 http://www.thedeppeffect.com/185/are-you-a-victim/#comment-343 Hi and welcome to Godless Sunday! I'm not Italian, but I am fiercely protective of my progeny too. It was hard sometimes for me to step back ad let them learn to fight their own battles, and to know when to do that and when to step in and help. I do know I spent a lot of time talking to my son's teachers about the bullying issues. Hello again, 60 Going On 16! Well, one can only hope that she has grown in maturity and come to realise that she did very wrong. The fact that she's now working in such a field may mean that she felt she needed to atone? Hi and welcome to Godless Sunday! I’m not Italian, but I am fiercely protective of my progeny too. It was hard sometimes for me to step back ad let them learn to fight their own battles, and to know when to do that and when to step in and help. I do know I spent a lot of time talking to my son’s teachers about the bullying issues.

Hello again, 60 Going On 16! Well, one can only hope that she has grown in maturity and come to realise that she did very wrong. The fact that she’s now working in such a field may mean that she felt she needed to atone?

]]> By: 60 Going On 16 http://www.thedeppeffect.com/185/are-you-a-victim/#comment-342 60 Going On 16 Thu, 22 May 2008 18:55:19 +0000 http://www.thedeppeffect.com/185/are-you-a-victim/#comment-342 Oh, Jay, your post struck so many chords. I am now, officially, a little old lady but I can remember the torments meted out by our school bully as if they happened yesterday. And, yes, I found her last year on Friends Reunited. She is now a yoga teacher and has been for years. What's more, she’s a shamanic healer, a Reiki Master of international repute and - excuse me while I laugh - a stress management counsellor. (Presumably that's counselling people on how to manage the stress she's caused them.) I can only assume that she has successfully wiped out her own memories of being the most frightening girl in the school, otherwise why would she risk being tracked down and confronted, half a century later, and called to account for her crimes? 60 Going On 16s last blog post..<a href="http://60goingon16.typepad.com/my_weblog/2008/05/in-devon-gates.html" rel="nofollow">In Devon, gates are for . . .</a> Oh, Jay, your post struck so many chords. I am now, officially, a little old lady but I can remember the torments meted out by our school bully as if they happened yesterday. And, yes, I found her last year on Friends Reunited. She is now a yoga teacher and has been for years. What’s more, she’s a shamanic healer, a Reiki Master of international repute and - excuse me while I laugh - a stress management counsellor. (Presumably that’s counselling people on how to manage the stress she’s caused them.) I can only assume that she has successfully wiped out her own memories of being the most frightening girl in the school, otherwise why would she risk being tracked down and confronted, half a century later, and called to account for her crimes?

60 Going On 16s last blog post..In Devon, gates are for . . .

]]> By: Godless Sunday http://www.thedeppeffect.com/185/are-you-a-victim/#comment-341 Godless Sunday Thu, 22 May 2008 18:41:28 +0000 http://www.thedeppeffect.com/185/are-you-a-victim/#comment-341 Jay, Thank you for sharing that story and I am sorry for what took place. My brother was teased relentlessly growing and it wasn't easy for me to watch. Now that I am a parent I am fiercely protective of my progeny. Probably too much. But, then again, I'm Italian. Godless Sundays last blog post..<a href="http://www.godlesssunday.com/2008/05/reason-trumps-religion.html" rel="nofollow">Reason trumps Religion.</a> Jay, Thank you for sharing that story and I am sorry for what took place. My brother was teased relentlessly growing and it wasn’t easy for me to watch. Now that I am a parent I am fiercely protective of my progeny. Probably too much.

But, then again, I’m Italian.

Godless Sundays last blog post..Reason trumps Religion.

]]> By: Jay http://www.thedeppeffect.com/185/are-you-a-victim/#comment-339 Jay Thu, 22 May 2008 16:00:21 +0000 http://www.thedeppeffect.com/185/are-you-a-victim/#comment-339 EM - Aw ... you are a sweetie. I'm proud to call you friend too! So sad that so many of us suffered in the same way, but it's good to know that we can survive and grow into reasonable adults despite all! EM - Aw … you are a sweetie. I’m proud to call you friend too! So sad that so many of us suffered in the same way, but it’s good to know that we can survive and grow into reasonable adults despite all!

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