After a bit of a downer in the form of the previous post, I thought I’d search Google for some good news to bring you.
News item No. 1
A man who wrongfully received a tax rebate from HM Revenue & Customs in the form of a cheque for £2o,ooo was today told that he could keep the money. A spokesperson from the office concerned (who asked not to be named) apparently told reporters ‘We made the mistake, and it’s not fair that Mr. Higgins should have to suffer for it. He tells us he spent half the money last week on a huge party for his friends and relatives and gave the rest to charity. How can we ask him to give it back now?’
He added that Mr Higgins’ tax records would not now be investigated in a ‘routine check’, neither would HMRC be making any attempt to get the sum back by re-coding him on the basis of his windfall.
News Item No. 2
Scientists from all over the world are descending on a small village in Worcestershire where a woman claims to have a self-regenerating cucumber plant.
‘It’s amazing’, she told reporters. ‘I was in the greenhouse harvesting the cucumbers, when I broke one off instead of cutting it properly. Imagine my surprise when it started to regrow itself into a perfectly formed new cucumber from the broken end! By evening I had a whole new one on the same stalk, ready to cut! If I slice through the stalk, it doesn’t work, but if the cucumber itself is broken, it just starts to regrow’.
John Smith of the Institute for Biological Studies in Tollesbury, Kent, said that if the plant breeds true, it could herald a new solution to global hunger and food shortages.
He later added ‘It’s a shame it’s a cucumber’.
News Item No. 3
A local council in Devon has announced that as part of the bicentennial celebrations for the birthday of the burgh of Mount-Witchett on the Moor, they will be suspending council tax payments for everyone living within the boundaries of the town this year. Stunned citizens are delighted with the news and local travel agents report record sales with many package deals selling out within hours.
Mrs Scott, a widow of 36 with five small children and a disabled mother to support, said ‘This will make a lot of difference to me. I’ll be able to afford to buy groceries next week, instead of sending the kids to McDonalds and leaving Mum outside Asda with her violin and a flask of cocoa’.
So, OK, none of those have the remotest basis in actual fact. They are a fabrication. A bundle of lies. This is a work of complete fiction and no-one named here bears any resemblance to a real person, living or dead. There is no Institute for Biological Studies in Tollesbury, which is not in Kent, nor – as far as I know – is there a Mount-Witchett on the Moor in Devon, although Devon does, in fact, exist. Nor is there any intent to impugn the good name of either McDonald’s or Asda.
But Google didn’t have one item of good news today, so I made it up, and I bet you smiled at least once, even if only in sorrow for the loss of my blogging integrity.
Please. Tell me you did?
Never happen here. he’s be repaying it all his life so the presdient could spend it
sandy ks last blog post..Aha I found you trying to sleep in again. It’s Monday on a Tuesday !!!
alright then, i so freaking need to move to the UK. keep the money, cucumbers that grow back and suspended taxes…where is my suitcase!
He later added ‘It’s a shame it’s a cucumber’.
ROFL! That’s the best line I’ve heard all day!
JTs last blog post..This blog is rated………
OMG what an imagination you have!!!! I particularly loved the cucumber story and was really excited about the possibilities for humanity. Of course it was funny that disappointment was expressed it was “only” a cucumber….
Though I must admit I was a little disbelieving that the tax man let the guy keep the cash. Now that seemed implausible. As for McDonalds and violin playing buskers ….. anything is possible.
But otherwise, oh dear, I can be so naive!
V.G. 10/10 but please put your imagination to better use in future!
Doriss last blog post..Day Out
Sandy – Trust me, HMRC are exactly the same. Not only would you be paying it back, with interest, but they’d recode you on your ‘earnings’ so that you paid even more tax next year.
Natural – See above. But do come over, you’d be more than welcome. And maybe you’d like it here anyway!
JT – Thanks! I like making people laugh! Humour is the spice of life, no?
Doris – Yes, Ma’am! I’ll be getting back to the usual ‘straight up’ any time now. Honest. *Cracks knuckles and flexes typing muscles* LOL!
If it is true that there was no good news today, of any kind, then I might as well jump off the bridge. I was just posting on a friend’s blog about that very thing, and though I did laugh out loud at the cucumber line, the rest is just too depressing.
Koris last blog post..Losing-or Relinquishing-Control
I think there should be a good news network…I’m sure there’s good news to be had here, life isn’t all that bad as far as I can tell!
Sandi
Sandi McBrides last blog post..My Brag Book of Friends
Sandi – no, it isn’t, but you’d think so, listening to the news, wouldn’t you? I’m sure they used to include the odd good news item, but even with 24-hour coverage, they don’t seem to find the time for it. Pity.
Okay, this is the second time I have posted something on here and had it disappear. Is this something I am doing or not doing?
Koris last blog post..Losing-or Relinquishing-Control
Kori – Don’t jump off the bridge! There is good news out there. I made that bunch up, but there is genuine good news. The TV and the papers just don’t seem to report it for some reason. I’ve noticed that in local papers the good news gets included though! Maybe it’s a good reason to buy those, just for the feel-good factor!
Kori, it’s my spam filter. I’m working on it! The comments aren’t lost, they’re just being held hostage.
I should audition for “Gullible’s Travels”…I believed every word of each article – somewhat open-jawed but – I am always amazed how easy it is to take me in (don’t tell anyone!)
Neutron – ROFL! Hey, I did a good job!