Remember Crotchety Old Man’s post about ‘Questions from the ladies’? Remember my answer to it? Remember how Yellow Swordfish took exception to something I said (can’t think why) and came along making pithy comments?
Yesterday started out well. I got up early, took the dogs out, dressed the Princess in her finery and took her to her therapy appointment, and drove happily back for lunch. I was looking forward to the afternoon, because we had another riding lesson booked at the Western stable, and I do so love riding Western style.
I’m trying to eat healthy food. I gained a bit of weight on holiday, and I’m desperately trying to lose it again – without a huge amount of success, I have to say. So, I prepared myself a bowl of fresh fruit, followed by a bowl of soup, and I sat down and tucked in. Fresh pineapple! Mmm! Fresh strawberries and blackberries! Mmm! The pineapple made my throat tingle a bit, but hey, it was a little sore yesterday and pineapple is acid, so I didn’t worry too much about that. Soup next. Three bean and lentil! Mmm ….
But wait! What is this unsettled, churning feeling in my stomach? Hmm. Maybe I didn’t need all that soup. I stopped eating, took my dishes out to the kitchen and called out to OH that I was going upstairs to change ready for riding.
Next thing I know I have my head down the loo* and I’m throwing up for England.
I thought I was going to die. I had visions of myself on a gurney, being wheeled through A&E** on the way to get drips inserted to rehydrate me only to discover that I had botulism and it was All Futile.
OH appeared, alerted by the groaning and swearing, probably. He offered to call a doctor or an ambulance – that’s how bad I was, and he is a Jolly Nice Chap, as I keep telling you. I said ‘Just bring me a bucket, I need to lie down’. And that’s where I stayed for the next hour or so, face down on the bed, with my head in the bucket (a change of view is always nice), alternately sipping water and throwing it up again.
Eventually it stopped, of course, as these things do, and I realised that I probably wasn’t going to die. Not this time, anyway. Eventually, when I stood up, nothing much happened except a slight dizziness, and I was able to change into nightwear and drift off to sleep.
Other Half was a trooper, he really was. He rang to cancel the lesson, he brought me water and a cold, wet flannel*** without being asked, he left me to sleep and even emptied and rinsed out the bucket.
When I staggered downstairs, he made me a cup of tea, and kept checking to make sure I was OK and didn’t need anything. He even offered to go to the shop at 8pm to fetch me anything I might fancy. Luckily, we already had all I needed: Heinz Cream of Tomato soup and bread for toast. Not, I hasten to add, the travesty that passes for tomato soup in America – that would Not have been Good. The stuff tastes like ketchup! No, Heinz Cream of Tomato with toast is the thing to eat after throwing up, and there’s science to back me up, too. It’s full of salts, the main one you need being potassium. It tastes good and it makes you feel better .. as long as you don’t overdo it.
And so it was that as I sat feebly huddled in my chair, OH brought me a large dinner plate on which reposed a perfectly heated bowl of Heinz’s best, and four perfectly toasted triangles of hot toast. I wish I’d taken a picture, it looked so pretty! He even provided me with a piece of kitchen paper to use as a napkin!
So I just want to say that despite my occasional digs and smart comments about men in general, and mine in particular, I do have one of the best. Please give the man a round of applause. For those of you who have men who need a little help in becoming more like him, I’m sure he’ll be willing to provide online lessons (for a fee). You can find him over at Yellowswordfish. Tee hee. That should put his traffic up a bit.
Why do I blame the pineapple you ask? Because I ate some of the strawberries, the blackberries and the soup yesterday with no ill effects. Methinks a trip to the Public Health inspector might be in order. Someone should Suffer for This.
Oh, and by the way, can anyone explain to me how the hell I came to gain two pounds yesterday? Sheesh …
* English slang for toilet
** English for ER
*** English for washcloth
Ah nothing like driving the porcelain bus to purge the soul! Obviously a Jamaican pineapple not a decent Buderim Queensland job!
Bainos last blog post..Friday Fuckwit
I don’t think there’s anything much worse than throwing up….hope you’re feeling better!
Angis last blog post..How Do You Measure A Man? (Or, How Do You Measure A Site’s Hits?)
I always go for the marmite on toast after a head-down-the-toilet session.
Don’t Bug Me!s last blog post..Penguins, Penguins, Penguins
Talk about getting right back on the horse again (metaphorically) after being sick. I think even if the soup were not to blame the first time around, I wouldn’t have shown your bravery in saying hello to some more soup post-near-death. That must be some seriously delicious soup!
Hope you’re feeling back to yourself today!
Jenns last blog post..The Goose Against Marching Band Battle Royale
I think it’s ironic that Heinz makes tomato soup that doesn’t taste like ketchup, while Campbell’s makes one that does!
I’m so sorry you were feeling ill yesterday, but hey, at least you have a good man to take care of you. I have one of those and I treasure him.
Peace – D
*No throwing up for one year! That’s an order!
Baino – I doubt it was an Australian pineapple. I think we do get most of ours from the Caribbean!
Angi – It’s not so much the actual throwing up that I objected to – although that was definitely unpleasant – it was the feeling that I was never going to stop, even to breathe! Thanks for the good wishes, I seem to be OK today!
DBM – Not so long ago, the toast would indeed have had Marmite on it. No butter, just Marmite. I was addicted to the stuff! Sadly, I’m now intolerant to yeast which means I’ve had to cut it out. But yesterday I seriously missed it.
Jenn – Ah, but you see, it wasn’t Heinz tomato soup that made me sick. It wasn’t even the Covent Garden three bean and lentil soup. It was the Evil Pineapple I tell you! And it will be a long time before I’m brave enough to eat pre-packed pineapple again.
RiverPoet – Isn’t it just? Of course, Heinz tomato soup doesn’t taste like tomatoes either, but it does taste nice. Even my Dad used to like it and he hated tomatoes in any and every other form. Yes, OH is a good man, and I treasure him, too!
Oh yucko! My stepson came home on Tuesday after being gone for almost a week with the maternal side, and during that time, every single one of them succumbed to a stomach bug. However, when he got it, they sent him home! Grrrr. So now, I’m anxiously watching to see if he managed to share it with the rest of the fam, so I can go drop them off back at Gram’s house to make sure it’s been properly shared back to them.
Now, this post I did NOT enjoy. I absolutely hate even the thought of being sick. The last time I was sick I was 9 years old!
I’m glad it didn’t last too long for you. Although I do like Heinz Tomato soup, I think I would have gone for the cream of chicken at that point though ;O)
Babs – beetles last blog post..How embarrassingly stupid!
Ughhhhh not breathing while you throw up – double the uncomfort-ness! Shortest bout of food poisoning I’ve ever heard of though. I think I’d be afraid to eat pineapple for quite a while!
Angis last blog post..How Do You Measure A Man? (Or, How Do You Measure A Site’s Hits?)
Hope you’re feeling better, Jay. And here’s something to make you feel even better: some time ago The Food Programme on BBC R4 ran a feature on soup (as in the convenience variety). They analysed the contents of a range of those fancy, schmancy, expensive soups in Tetrapaks and discovered that they contained mostly water and very few veggies. Heinz tomato soup, however, turned out to be much more nutritious, additive free and good value. Like you, it’s always been my favourite post-queasy, comfort food – and even better now that it’s no longer a guilty pleasure.
60 Going On 16s last blog post..An excuse to get out more
Aw you poor sweetie. Hope you’re feeling better. Yup, I’m with DBM (probably in our genes), Marmite’s the thang. Isn’t there some kind of Marmite substitute? Meh, it’s probably foul. Chin up, girl, sending you get well soon hugs xx
English Mums last blog post..The Friday Photo: Bert in shoe fetish shocker!!
I can’t do tomato soup on a queasy stomach because it’s too acidic. I’m just a boring chicken noodle girl.
Ruth Hull Chatliens last blog post..Smokey’s Troubles
JT – Oh no! Good luck with not getting that one from him! I wouldn’t blame you for backing off back there!
Babs – Oops .. sorry! But wow – you haven’t been sick since you were nine? How on earth have you managed that? Sheer willpower?
Angi – Don’t knock it. I’m very, very glad it was that short! I think I threw up so quickly that it didn’t have a chance to really poison my system.
60 – Thanks! That’s really interesting, isn’t it? Good old Heinz. The only problem with them really is that they tend to be quite salty. I mean, I like salty, but with high BP you have to be a little careful, don’t you?
EM – Thanks for the good wishes to you, too, EM! I doubt there is a substitute for Marmite that doesn’t contain yeast. Marmite IS yeast! Oh, how I loved that stuff, too!
Ruth – I love chicken noodle soup and that would have worked for me, too – but I’ve never found any free range chicken noodle soup that doesn’t contain egg noodles. And guess what egg does to me? Yep, you got it … ! LOL!
Awwwwww, OH so sweet! SO SORRY you were puny, luv. Hope it’s over and you’re feeling tiptop again. You need to find yourself a Pirate, mate.
Jennys last blog post..Our Bad … Tree, That Is
I was swirly stomached all morning– by the way the flamingos took shelter there for a hurricane at a zoo. Funny regardless sandy have a spectacular weekend !!I will work but will anyhow sk
sandy ks last blog post..Memo – Important Meeting – Men’s Room at 3 p. m.
Oh, Jay…. so sorry to read this! What a wonderful OH. I shall head over to his blog as well for more reading (as if I don’t have enough already).
Hope you are okay now; take care, and stay away from the Pineapples! (like you need any reminder).
Take care.
Maureens last blog post..Set The Wayback Machine to 1975 Sherman
Oh my! I know that feeling of praying to the porcelain god(dess) and it is never fun. I have a hiatal hernia that, up until last year, caused a narrowing in my esophagus. Food sometimes just never made it down all the way, and would make the return trip.(I had that taken care of.)
See! Men are not so useless after all!
I love English slang, though my fav word is “gobshite,” which is decidedly more Irish.
Mr. Nighttimes last blog post..Signposting a life.
OH NO! I have a pineapple in the fridge I’ve been dying to eat! Maybe if I have a couple of beers first, they’ll coat my stomach. ;op
Bees last blog post..I too am going to blame all of my mistakes on those devious elves!
I am so sorry Jay I hope you are feeling better. I seems that ubiquitous “bug” is doing the rounds again.
You posed a question on my blog. The answer is that Valleys Mam had written another post “The Sharp End” and I was referring to the previous one. Confused before, well you are now!
anns last blog post..A DISREPUTABLE HOUSE OF COMMONS
Jenny – And I know exactly the pirate I need! Send him over. Thanks, luv.
Yes, I bet you do know the porcelain god rather more intimately than you’d have liked. I’m glad you got the hiatus hernia fixed. It’s amazing how many people just put up with it rather than go through surgery.
Sandy – You were swirly stomached too? I’m sorry to hear that. I hope you’re OK now! Thanks for the story on the flamingos – certainly was an odd place to see them!
Maureen – Thanks for the sympathy, Maureen! When you go over to Yellow Swordfish, don’t forget to check out the JDOCD entries in which he makes fun of me! LOL!
Mr N – I know you’re not all bad, sweetie, I just love to tease!
Bee – Eat the pineapple, Bee! As long as it didn’t come from the same source as mine I’m pretty sure you’ll be OK. But the beers won’t hurt, just in case. LOL!
wow Jay, I hope this comment finds you in much better health now. I hate “giving back” what an unpleasant reflex, but your body knows when something shouldn’t be there..that is a beautiful and wonderful thing.
applause for the men.
thanks for those footnotes. i knew all but the washcloth.
Valerie – thanks – yes, I’m better now! Thank heavens.
I have so many non-English friends now that I’m very aware of the little differences in our language – I try to explain the ones I think won’t be understood by everyone, especially if it can be funny at the same time!