You know it’s true.
There are gremlins that live among us, and they wreak havoc in the best run household.
Now, I’m the first to admit this is not exactly one of the best run households - I’ve always hated housework, and I’ve never seen the point of a floor you could eat off when I could be doing something more enjoyable. But now I have all these tedious health limitations and to be frank, housework hurts.
So the little gremlins who sneak around hiding remote controls and eating biros and collecting dog hair and tossing it into the clean laundry and the dishwasher - those gremlins, who lose telephone numbers and shopping lists and eat the last biscuit, those little imps have been having a field day.
But yesterday they went too far.
As a direct result of gremlin activity, I realised I was going to freeze this winter. And I was also condemned to manage with only one duvet cover, the other having mysteriously disappeared along with one half of my four seasons quilt. Or duvet. Whatever you like to call it.
How did this happen? Well, at the beginning of the summer, I split the quilt as usual, putting the thicker half away and leaving the light and silky, featherweight half on the bed for the warmer months. I put it away somewhere safe. And those darned gremlins* stole it!
It wasn’t until yesterday that I realised the extent of their perfidy. I went to change the bed, and when I looked for the clean duvet cover, there it was … gone!! It was not in the laundry bin. It was not on the drying rack, in the tumble drier, the airing cupboard, or any of the various drawers and cupboards I use to store bed linens. Neither was the other half of my duvet. Quilt. Whatever. They were gone!
Other Half was convinced that, at some point, the missing duvet cover would turn up. He said it Had To Be Somewhere.
Ha!
I looked for it, only I was somewhat hampered by not being allowed in the Gremlin Dimension, and I wouldn’t bet a dead beetle on them bringing it back just because I asked nicely.
‘John Lewis - that’s the thing’, I thought. ‘I’ll pop into town tomorrow and just buy some new stuff. That’ll fix their little wagon!’
But this morning, just to be sure, I determined to take everything out of the airing cupboard and examine every single item - no matter if it did look like a pair of pink socks or a blue shirt. Everything was coming out, and I would prove, once and for all, that the duvet cover, plus the winter half of my duvet, were both irretrievably lost. And then I’d go shopping.
And, would you believe it? There, on the very top shelf (where I never ever put duvet covers or quilts) were both of the missing items!! And the quilt had somehow got inside the cover and buttoned itself up … and it had to be gremlins, because I absolutely, one hundred percent, refuse to believe that I’ve been managing all summer by washing my one and only duvet cover and getting it straight back on the bed, and that for some bizarre reason, I had stuffed both the missing items up into that black hole, still together and therefore unwashed.
Surely it has to be the gremlins …
Tell me - how old am I again? And have I had my tea yet?
* To be fair, it could have been the Nac Mac Feagles.
Today’s nominees for the awards are:
Kick Ass Blogger - This one goes to Drowsey Monkey. Drowsey is one of my favourite bloggers, and never fails to amuse and entertain. I like the fact that her content is so varied, too!
Brillante - One of the first blogs to be added to my feed reader was English Mum in Ireland and it’s been sitting there giving me pleasure ever since. Well done, EM - you’re a bright spot in the blogosphere!
Today’s Top Commenter is Ruth Hull Chatlien. Ruth has an excellent and inspirational blog of her own, but still finds the time to go around and leave interesting and thoughtful comments on others. Thanks, Ruth!
You didn’t find any of DrummerBoy’s 38 unpaired socks in there by any chance?
Bainos last blog post..I Am a Legend in My Own Lunchtime!
It so SO easy to misplace things like that. I am missing one pillow sham. Where did it go? All of the other bits of the sheet set are there, but one sham seems to have taken it on the lam…
Ah, the mysteries of life.
Jenns last blog post..Beware the Penquins and Other Cases for Proofreading
Bet the little bastards stole my passport too !!!!
moons last blog post..What an Amazing few days !!!
Can you come and look for my old cell phone ? I put it away somewhere safe in the house when I went to Florida in October 2006 and I’ve never found it since. Bizarre.
Silverbacks last blog post..Love It, Love It Not
gremlins indeed. if something is not where i THINK i put it, i’m reluctant to look for it cause it’s supposed to be in THAT spot, not that spot. i consider it lost until i get over me losing my mind.
glad you found it.
Baino - On the grounds that I have about two dozen socks without partners, it’s entirely possible that Drummer-boy’s errant socks might be hiding among them. What do they look like? I have a very lonely looking gym sock in turquoise, pink and light green with some kind of number in racing stripes on it. Sound familiar?
Jenn - One pillow sham? It might be in my airing cupboard. You wouldn’t believe the number of pillow cases I have in there! I don’t remember half of them! LOL!
Moon - You’d better believe it. They’ll bring it back when you have no particular need for it, that’s the way they work. Their sense of humour is dark and twisted.
Silverback - Your cell phone is in the third drawer down underneath that yellow thing. It might be in a plastic bag, I don’t know, the tea-leaves are a bit unclear on that point.
Valerie - If I can’t find something that I need, I go into full panic mode and rush round looking, not-particularly-efficiently, in ten places at once, and then look in them all again. I can’t do the ’stand back and keep repeating ‘it’s supposed to be right there’ thing! LOL!
Oh my! You must have the distant cousins of my gremlins! Mind you, my gremlins could be Mo, who never puts anything in the same place twice!
Babs - beetles last blog post..I felt the music in me.
I believe you Jay…I have gremlins as well and they often hide things from me including my favorite coffee cup…it’s a pity what I plan to do to them when I lay hands on their worthless carcasses! I’ll have a word with yours as well should they be in the company of my pair!
hugs
Sandi
Sandi McBrides last blog post..The Rain Barrels
Yes, I am well aware of those nasty things. They hide my cell phone in places I would never, in a million years leave them. They keep filling up my clothes hamper, requiring me to haul endless loads of laundry to the basement to be washed. Oh, and here is the worst of the little buggers: The ones that keep messing up my bathroom, requiring me to clean it.
My kingdom for an effective gremlin removal solvent!
Mr. Nighttimes last blog post..The Road Well Travelled - Pt. 3 - "Do…Or Do Not. There Is No Try."
We must share gremlins! Mine are obsessed with socks, because every time I buy me or anyone else in the house socks, half of them disappear between getting out of the pack and into the hamper for their first wash. It drives me absolutely insane to, because with my little ones, I will buy them 2 packs of identical socks, and we still end up with 1 of each color. I will pay someone to come and find those gremlins and retrieve my socks!
I have a pair of socks that don’t match, soI guess that they are not actually a pair. You would think that I would have two such “pairs”, but alas, no, just one. And these are my favourite socks too - I was going to take them to South America. Perhaps no one will notice the fact that they are not really a pair…….
Don’t Bug Me!s last blog post..A Trip into the Wild, Wet West.
Ha! In my case (a Pratchett lover) definitely the Nac Mac Feegles! Socks, pens, etc. They use the socks as sleeping-bags, I’m SURE!
Katherines last blog post..Jupiter
I have a corkscrew stake to attach the dog’s lead to so he can be tied out in a yard, which the gremlins keep hiding. When we’re going on vacation or a weekend trip and could use it, it’s missing. But when I’m looking for some other need–such as a phillips screwdiver–the corkscrew dog stake is in my way . . . until I need it again.
Damn gremlins. What do you suppose they’re using that stake for?
Ruth Hull Chatliens last blog post..Taking Back the Process
Hi Jay,
I hate when the gremlins put stuff in those “safe places”.
I do that and then scratch my head and say, “I know I put it in a safe place, but where did I put it?”
Barbara Swaffords last blog post..Parties, Spam and Hanging Chads
Yes indeedy. We’ve got them too. If I could have back the time I’ve spent looking for stuff (keys and hairbrushes especially), well, I’d add years to my life…
A few months ago I admitted to myself I needed reading glasses. I paid £99 for a buy-one-pair-get-one-pair-free deal but I’ve already lost one pair. I hope it was the free pair I lost but I can’t be sure!
AnneDroids last blog post..Trust me, I’m a chaplain.
Babs - I think all these Gremlins are related. Either that or they share information over the Gremlin Net. I bet it isn’t Mo. They’d just like you to think it is!
Sandy - Do, please, have words with my Gremlins if you see them. You have my full permission to inflict whatever punishment seems suitable at the time.
Funny thing - our mug cupboard is overflowing. I’m sure I haven’t seen half those mugs before. Maybe we have yours? What does it look like?
Mr N - Your Gremlins are definitely relatives of my Gremlins. Do yours also empty the fridge of all the good things? I bet they lose keys too…
JT - By the look of things, Gremlins are obsessed with socks! Show me a household which doesn’t lose one of a pair with startling regularity and I’ll show you a household which simply isn’t paying attention!
One of my sons only ever buys the same brand of black socks. He has hundreds! But he is never at a loss for a pair!
DBM - No problem - just tell the guys down in South America that it’s the height of fashion where you come from. No-one will ever know! LOL!
Katharine - Hey - welcome, fellow Pratchett fan!
Those Wee Free Men are a darned nuisance, aren’t they? I suppose they wanted my duvet cover for a tent or something. It’s a good thing we have no sheep … or maybe that’s why we have no sheep!
Do you think I should start leaving some Jack Daniels out for them?
Ruth - Undoubtedly those Gremlins are using your corkscrew for something very, very nefarious. Probably to rig a trap for drunken cyclists so they can steal their bikes.
Barbara - All my stuff is put in a safe place. I’ve even tried saying to myself as I put stuff away ‘Now, remember, THIS is where you’re putting ‘X” … But I still forget.
Anne Droid - No kidding! I would be effectively ten years younger if it weren’t for these Nac Mac Gremlins!
It’s a bit of a bummer losing glasses though, eh? I mean, how are you supposed to look for them when you can’t see properly without them?
Quilt gremlins, eh? I’ll remember to blame them next time something of mine goes missing. Of course, I usually just blame hubby now….
Peace - D
RiverPoets last blog post..The Glass Castle
I think your gremlins have two pairs of my missing shoes!
meleah rebeccahs last blog post..My Writing Buddies
Oh my. Did you add that bit about the top commenter, or was I blind yesterday?
Whichever it was, thank you.
Ruth Hull Chatliens last blog post..Wednesday Overview
Meleah - I can tell you one thing, if they have high heels, they ain’t here! LOL!
Ruth - It was there, yesterday, honest! And you’re welcome! I’m not going to insist that everyone passes these on properly, but you can if you wish!