Chain letter emails. Who likes them? C’mon, hands up! Anyone?
OK, now, be honest - how many of you hate the damn things but still pass them on?
Uh-huh. I thought so.
Yesterday, I checked my email, and there, nestling among the spam and the offers to enlarge my non-existent penis, was a message of a different sort. This was even less fun than the invitations to take out life insurance, because this was one of those evil chain letter emails that play on your worst fears and warn you of the dire things in store should you be foolish enough to even think about not passing it on to everyone in your address book, plus their brothers, their second-cousins twice removed, and the postlady’s husband.
The grammar and punctuation are bad, the spacing is worse - I counted over twenty line-breaks between one line of the ‘poem’ and the next - and the general tone is threatening. It is not remotely funny or clever, as you might expect from a spoof chain letter. This is the real deal, and they’re like viruses, these things. They’re very irritating and they have a way of causing damage and infecting others.
In this one, there are three ‘true’ case histories. In the first, a young woman goes out to lunch with her boyfriend. He proposes, she accepts. Then she goes back to work, presumably walking on air and wrapped in a pink fluffy cloud of happiness. When she gets back to work, she finds an email - this very email - waiting for her, and she deletes it without following the instructions and forwarding it to the whole world and her sister. Needless to say the boyfriend gets hit by a truck and killed.
In the second, a young woman gets the email and tries to complete the instructions, but doesn’t have five email buddies to send it to, so she fails to do it right. She goes out that evening and gets killed by a hit and run driver - even though she did her best. Poor soul.
The third example is young man who reads it diligently, and forwards the email to the required number of people - and all within 45 minutes! My, what a fine young man he must be!
Anyway, shortly afterwards, this fine young man is on his way to a Very Important job interview with a Big Company, when he meets the Secret Love of his Life. She confesses to him right there on the street that she has a Secret Crush on him and three days later they get married and have three children. Quick work, huh? My, what a fine young man! I don’t know what happened about the job, but I bet he got it. Probably Managing Director by now, I shouldn’t wonder.
So, I bet you’re curious, aren’t you? I bet you want to read this poem to see what is so earth-shatteringly important that the author will resort to threats and intimidation to get his work circulated.
Are you ready?
> Around the corner I have a friend,
>
> In this great city that has no end,
> Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,
> And before I know it, a year is gone.
> And I never see my old friends face,
> For life is a swift and terrible race,
> He knows
> I like him just as well,
>
>
> As in the days when I rang his bell.
>
> And he rang mine but we were younger then,
>
> And now we are busy, tired men.
>
> Tired of playing a foolish game,
> Tired of trying to make a name.
>
> ‘Tomorrow’ I say! ‘I will call on Jim
> Just to show that I’m thinking of him.’
> But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,
>
> And distance between us grows and grows.
>
>
> Around the corner, yet miles away,
>
>
> ‘Here’s a telegram sir,’ ‘Jim died today.’
>
> And that’s what we get and deserve in the end.
>
> Around the corner, a vanished friend.
>
> Remember to always say what you mean.
>
> If you
> love someone, tell them.
>
> Because when you decide that it is the right time it might
>
> be too late.
>
> Seize the day. Never have regrets.
>
> And most importantly, stay close to your friends
>
> and family, for they have helped
>
> make you the person that you are today.
>
I’ve left in some of the multiple spacing, so you get an idea just how horrible this thing is, but I’ve reduced it to save your sanity.
Now, the ‘poem’ contains some good sentiments, but overall, this email is just plain nasty. There is no outright threat, but the clear implication is that if you do not forward it to a whole bunch of people without taking too long to think about what you’re doing, you are in deep shit and will probably be run over by a truck. It is spam, ladies and gentlemen, but of a particularly insidious kind, playing on people’s fears and superstitions.
As it happens, I’m going to the dentist in the next few weeks to get my mouth checked, not only for holes in my teeth, but to make sure my oral cancer hasn’t returned. I also have several friends in bad health right now, and others with serious relationship difficulties. There’s a recession looming. I have a very fragile, elderly dog, and a very fragile elderly mother who lives alone, and I’d say that most people can write a similar list, and there’s a terrible compulsion to do anything and everything short of ritual sacrifice to make sure all goes well and stays well when we have health fears and loved ones to protect.
But I would ask you all to consider whether you should be forwarding this garbage to other people who might be frightened or intimidated by it. Or would you be better just to do as I do and say ‘Fuck it’?
I can tell you one thing. If I get run over by a truck tomorrow, it won’t be anything to do with this email - unless I were so rattled that I’m thinking about it instead of concentrating on looking both ways when I cross the road.
Oh, and by the way, this thing reminds me of Jack Sparrow in a way. You know that bit in Pirates of the Caribbean where Jack’s talking to some fellow prisoners about the legend of the Black Pearl?
One of them says to Jack ‘They say it leaves no survivors!’
And Jack grins. ‘No survivors! Then where do the stories come from, I wonder?’
Do you suppose the unfortunate young ladies in those first two stories left a note?
Brilliant. You’ve managed to get a reference to “The Depp” into a post about chain letters ! I bow before you, oh highness of blogfulness.
Yes those emails are nasty (as they prey on the weak, the nervous and the gullible) and if only we all agreed to send them straight to our deleted folders, maybe they’d stop being sent out.
In an ideal world of course.
Silverbacks last blog post..When Is A Celebrity Not A Celebrity ?
I can’t stand these things either. Another place they seem to come up a lot is myspace. Everyone hates them but they put them up anyways. But what can you do about it?
Sarahs last blog post..Ah… Mom Would Be Proud
Whenever I get one of this, I hit reply, send it back to the unthinking person who sent it to me, and call it a day.
Their superstitions are satisfied, and my good sense isn’t offended.
*evil grin*
Ruth Hull Chatliens last blog post..Miscellaneous Blog Business
OMG - My mother-in-law sends me this stuff all the time, “just in case,” she says. When I was little, my mom would get chain mail (snail mail, you know) and would always fret about sending copies out - copies that she would have to hand write, at that!
What I want to know is who are these people who have nothing better to do than to sit around and dream these things up and send them on their way?? With all the amazing things there are to do in life, why this?
D
RiverPoets last blog post..Hi Ho Silver, Away!
Oh I could rant forever on this!
I hate these emails, and always hit delete, without a second thought! Thankfully I don’t get too many of them.
I am convinced they are written by silly kids. They are so badly written. On the very rare occasion that it is worth sending on, I will copy and paste it into a fresh email, removing all traces of any ‘Pass this on’ message. Usually I don’t bother though.
What small minds want to write this garbage anyway?!
I will shut up now ;O)
Babs - beetles last blog post..Another painfull experience!
Um….. I hold my hands up as the perpetrator of that particular offending ‘forward’! I hate them too and it’s probably the first one I have ever forwarded. Usually I am very good at the ‘fuck it’ approach and I have no truck with the damn things at all but I think I was feeling a little ‘iffy’ and insecure about recent events when I hit send on that yesterday!
I suitably chastised myself immediately afterwards….as did Fletch who was utterly unimpressed that I had weakened!
*note to self: Silly bint, must ignore all such hogwash in future* ;o)
gemmaks last blog post..On the home stretch
Silverback - Well of course! And it was a perfectly appropriate quote, was it not? *Takes a bow*
I find that most men are less superstitious than women. I wonder why that is?
Sarah - The one thing you can do about them is ignore them.
When you think of all the things that happen to people every day, both good and bad, you’d easily be able to find someone who failed to pass one on, and had something bad happen, and also someone who did pass it on and had something good happen.
What they don’t tell you is about the people who didn’t pass it on and then won the lottery that day, or the ones who did pass it on and got hit by that truck anyway.
Don’t worry about them, they can’t hurt you.
Ruth - Neat! I suppose in a way I’ve done the same by blogging about it! LOL!
River Poet - Your MIL sends them to you? Yikes! Oh, I remember the hand-written chain letters - they circulated at school for a while. I guess someone got a kick out of seeing us all cramping our hands at lunchtime trying to get caught up and get them off our minds.
I agree, with all the wonderful things you could be doing, why this?
Babs - I knew you’d be with me on this! Yes, probably it’s kids, but then kids write most of the malicious computer viruses, too.
Gemma - I guessed it was something like that, since I’m pretty sure you don’t hate me. LOL!
I used to be very superstitious, but I’ve got over the worst of that - it’s so crippling, isn’t it?
There’s something wonderful about not only hearing a good, appropriate rant regarding annoying chain letters, but getting a Johnny Depp scene as well.
Those chain letters drive me batty. I have a dear friend who sends them, who I have been TRYING to make stop doing this, without hurting her feelings. According to the chain letters, I should have died a thousand deaths by now…
I must have the luck of Jack Sparrow!
Jenns last blog post..Doodle Week- or- The Further Adventures of Back-up Girl
It must be the Friday for blogging in things that piss me off ….. Mumbo Jumbo bollocks, I hate people for this emotional blackmail crap ..
ps, can you forward me the penis enlarging e-mail …. just for research obviously …….
moons last blog post..An Amazing Few days …. Part II
You can’t delete these… it says so right in the subject line!
I wonder if Mythbusters can determine if someone will suffer from bad luck or death by not forwarding these emails.
Jeffs last blog post..Five Hundred
Hi Jay. Totally agree that these are sent just to prey on fear. Interesting you should bring this up. It has been years since I received a e-chain letter. But got one last week or so, that if I sent that e-mail to someone in the next 5 minutes, that would get this much luck, the next 1/2 hour, so much luck. I think one of your commentators asked who makes these up? I really feel it’s a way of hacking. I don’t hesitate to delete. *laughing* at the line, “No survivors. Then where do the stories come from, I wonder?”
petra michelles last blog post..Z is for Zorro?
I don’t even know how many times I’ve gotten that blasted email, and I’ve deleted it every single time. So far I’m alive, and I haven’t witnessed any of my friends getting hit by a flyaway bus whilst pushing me out of the way, so I figure I’m in pretty good standing.
Jenn - I like to work him in wherever I can.
See that’s the thing I don’t understand - I’m the same, I try not to hurt people’s feelings by letting them know … um … that they’ve hurt mine. Funny old world, innit? LOL!
Moon - Exactly. Mumbo jumbo. Now, which ones did you want? The ones that promise an additional four inches, or the ones which offer to turn your trouser snake into a pocket rocket? Or you could have the temporary solution via Viagra - if you’ll excuse the play on words.
Jeff - I know. I’m such a rebel!! LOL! Might be interesting to look on Snopes or something, indeed.
Petra - I too suspect their motives. I have no idea how they would use them to hack, but it wouldn’t surprise me!
Glad you like Jack’s example.
JT - Yay for you! I’m still alive so far, too!
LOL: offers to enlarge my non-existent penis. I’ve gotten plenty of those, but my scam guard catches most of them now.
and YES Jay I hate those flipping emails. I delete them and I don’t care if I get hit by a truck…well okay I do, but it won’t be because of that email, but maybe because I didn’t look both ways?
The money emails kill me too. Send this to 20 people and you will get money, shoot, I rather just ask the 20$ to send me $1…
Naturals last blog post..Here’s To You…and Me
Ah late again. Hate these things and delete them straight away. My sister persistently sends them as she’s a superstitious cow but it freaks me out, more so even than the saccharine “send these to 10 fantastic women you know” bleagh! Or the ‘warnings’ about women being abducted in car parks . .I have one link for them snopes.com great site that debunks myths. Actually my spam seems to relate to “married wives dating club” . . .for goodness sake!
Bainos last blog post..Friday Fuckwit
I loathe all banal, insulting, anonymous and meaningless emails and they are ALL deleted without my having read even the first word of them. I then immediately empty my deleted items folder. Happily, I never see the junk, no matter who sent it.
Jennys last blog post..Hot Dog Buns: $60
Hi Jay,
I’ve gotten to hate this type of email spam so much. Yeah, send this to fifty people within 30 seconds or you’ll die. Meanwhile, I’m saying if I send it to 50 people, they’ll kill me for sure.
I seem to get more ‘forwarded’ spam emails and jokes that I do genuine emails nowadays. I won’t forward the chain letter types, but do admit to sending on some of the better jokes.
Thank you for stopping by and leaving a comment on our fence. Glad to hear that yours was a success.
Sandie
Sandies last blog post..Injury!
Valerie - Oooh, I like it! You could write one, asking for a dollar from everyone paid into your PayPal account, and send it to ALL THE SPAMMERS!!
Baino - Married wives dating club? What have you been up to? ROFL!
Jenny - Sadly, as owner of three domains, I have to search through the crap. *Sigh* The worst ones are the ones that say they’re from ME!! Can you say ‘hijacked’?
Barbara - LOL! Exactly so!
Sandie - Hi, and welcome!
Yep, I think that’s true here too. Far more spam than genuine emails. I need to boot up my Windows machine and check my primary email address. I’ve virtually stopped using it because I get so much spam there and none of the filters I’ve tried catch it all, I just end up sorting it all anyway. I’ve just been informed my account is full, and I’m expecting around 5,000 emails. Out of those, I might get 20-30 genuine messages - mostly automated updates to sites I’ve subscribed to.
Forwarding jokes is fine! I’ve had some very good ones sent to me!
Hi Jay,
I hate such mails, in fact I hate forwards only. This may sound extremely insane but let me tell you what I do. Whenever I receive such silly mails saying that you will have good luck if you send it to ten people and bad luck if you ignore etc. I return that mail 10 times to the same person. It works.:p I mean everyday I get mails such as enlarge your penis or make your girl feel special, size does matter etc.WTF? Do they send mails irrespective of knowing what gender are they sending mails to? Once I have this ‘You face looks stupid’ week. Every single day I received a mail saying ‘your face is stupid’ for the whole week.
Now I outrightly select the mails and delete them. Ha! Easy no?
Scratch Bagss last blog post..Points Of View
Oh I HATE these! I delete them as soon as I get them and yell at the person that forwarded it to me!
meleah rebeccahs last blog post..Pre-Holiday-Post
I always delete them, don’t think I’ve sent any on as I know they are spammy rubbish..
And myself and my loved ones have survived each and every one of them!
Lady Bananas last blog post..Freedom - For 2 Weeks!
Scratch - I usually just ignore every forwarded email too, unless it’s from a friend of mine. Then I’ll open it and look and maybe answer if it looks fun. These chain letter ones, no, I never forward them.
I think spammers don’t care what gender you are, they just take whole lists of email addresses and send things automatically. I do get tired of the Viagra and Cialis and penis enlargement stuff though - and porn - and I’m just thankful we didn’t have to deal with this crap when the boys were young.
Meleah - I don’t usually yell - especially when it’s someone nice, like Gemma. I feel sorry that people have that level of superstition though.
Lady Banana - Yep, me too! I ain’t dead yet either.
Hah! Exactly!!! I ignore that trash… and so far I have lived to tell the tale.
(knock on wood)
Maureens last blog post..See Maureen Vacation
You won’t believe this, but I have NEVER forwarded one of these chain emails on … yet I continue to enjoy prosperity, good health and the occasional unexpected opportunity! Maybe it’s because rather that relying on the good luck I’m promised in these missives, I rely on the good karma I receive by just saying “No!”
Brendas last blog post..Finding my personal power
Maureen - You had me believing you weren’t superstitious at all for a moment! LOL!
Brenda - Hi there, and welcome! Have you read ‘Why the Depp Effect’? I think you might find it interesting.
I love the thought about relying on the good karma you get from saying ‘no’! Perfect!