Not long ago, I had occasion to buy a birthday card for a member of my family. Now, I don’t know about you, but I find it really hard to get a decent card for a young man, but while unexciting, this one seemed okay.
But then I opened it up and found myself torn between intense irritation and amusement. For inside the card, printed on the transparent plastic protective sleeve that they always seem to wrap them in these days, I saw these words -
And I wondered why. I mean, is there some kind of secret magnetic security tag embedded in it which would screw up the automated sorting systems down at the Post Office?
Or could it be that they’re worried that the recipient will try to eat it and choke to death and their nearest and dearest will sue the card company? Possibly, the plastic is mildly toxic! I bet the ink is.
I suppose they might be concerned that someone will open the card while smoking and set fire to it and seek compensation for their singed eyebrows. Although, of course, they really shouldn’t smoke in the first place, should they? Tut tut … Don’t they read the Government Health Warnings?
But I hope - I really hope - that it is indeed down to one of the above, and it’s just another Worlde Gonne Madde thing, because I really would hate to think that they printed that piece of Useful Advice because they genuinely think there are people that stupid out here.
Please. Tell me that there aren’t?
Because if there are, then I seriously fear for them. I mean, how do they cope when they come up against a packet of biscuits wrapped so tightly that you have to take a knife to them? What happens when they open their new jar of coffee, only to find it sealed with a thick paper lid and no instructions to tell them to remove it! I have visions of them desperately shaking it upside down over their empty mug and wailing with frustration because no coffee is coming out. Perhaps even smacking it on the bottom with that packet of biscuits they couldn’t open.
And heaven help us - how would they know to take the frozen chips out of the plastic bag before putting them into the oven! I’m damn sure it doesn’t actually tell you to do that!
And you know what? It’s a terrible scandal, but I can’t remember the last time I saw an orange on display which said ‘Peel before eating’.
Unfortunately, there are people THAT dumb in this world. They do need instructions like that!
“but I can’t remember the last time I saw an orange on display which said ‘Peel before eating’.”
LOL
meleah rebeccahs last blog post..I Be Sick Again
Jay, I’m sorry. I have a terrible confession to make. I’ve had my digital camera three years and my cell phone two years. Each one came with a plastic film over the display screen–to protect them, I guess. I never removed them because I thought maybe I needed to keep the protection.
A month ago, we had a new cable / Internet / phone system installed, and one of the pieces of equipment had one of those plastic protective films. The technician who did the install peeled it off and threw it away. Seeing from his example that it was ok to dump the plastic, I finally liberated my camera and my cell phone.
So if there are people who neglect to remove the plastic, maybe they’re not stupid. Maybe they just have a pathetic deference to wanting to do the “right thing.” (And maybe we need a bigger dose of Johnny Depp in our lives. LOL)
Ruth Hull Chatliens last blog post..Put Gladness in My Heart
Seriously? There is a comedian who goes around and reads labels then turns them into jokes for the world’s amusement. And because I see similar things everyday at work, I find him to be utterly hysterical. Also, I never read those labels so I never knew
A) Curling irons come with a warning saying do not stick this into an orifice while plugged in or turned on :O
B) Hemorrhoid creme comes with a warning to eat it. Not eat it? Really, I never would’ve guessed.
Honestly, I don’t know if they have to put warning labels on these things because people actually do it or just because they don’t want to be sued in case some numbnuts actually goes and does that. This world is full of strange and bizarre things.
JTs last blog post..Movie Mania
Am I right in thinking that you would HAVE to remove it to actually write in the jolly card? All the cards I’ve ever brought like that are enclosed in the film, making it impossible to write on the card unless you remove it. Oh wait. Do they think you would remove it, write on the card and actually put it back in the wrapper before sending it?
Actually, I do think there are people out there that need instructions on these things.
Babs - beetles last blog post..Ducks, ducks, everywhere ducks!
And, AND I’ll bet it increases the price of the item, as well as creating yet more waste!
A x
Yes - people are that stupid - but at least you make it funny! 21 years of dealing with customer complaints taught me that sometimes you just have to show them they are being daft politely of course and then walk away (sniggering quietly)
Kates last blog post..Sunday dinner???? Make mine a pie!
Ooooh boy, yes, people are sometimes that stupid, but also there is a technical writer out there somewhere who has a job just to format and spellcheck that wrapper.
Peace - D (a technical writer)
RiverPoets last blog post..Satur-daze
Meleah - Well, but .. you know .. if we’re all to be protected from every last thing, you’d think that fruit would come with instructions too? Like on an avocado - ‘do not eat the stone’? Or maybe grapes should have a label saying ‘Warning! This fruit contains pips which may break your teeth’? Or maybe - taking things to extremes - icing (confectioners) sugar should say ‘Do not inhale. This may look like cocaine, but it is not’. And perhaps car batteries should have a warning label too? I suggest ‘Do not lick the terminals’.
Ruth - Sorry, but that doesn’t qualify as stupid. You’ll have to do better than that! In fact, you can buy plastic to stick ON to your iPod screen to protect it! LOL!
JT - That reminds me, I read a wonderful translation of how to use haemorrhoid cream once. Makes you wonder who did something so stupid as to make people put these warnings on, doesn’t it?
Babs - Mostly you do have to remove these things but there are some which are just a sleeve on the front part of the card.
Anne - Well, of course it does!!
Kate - I have no problem with stupid people (providing they don’t hurt anyone) but it’s the assumption that we’re all stupid that I object to!
River Poet - LOL! I guess that’s one good thing about it!
HA ha ha ha, I won’t mention any names, but we got a wedding card with the ‘warp’ still on it… so there are people that stupid !
moons last blog post..A positive outlook …
“(confectioners) sugar should say ‘Do not inhale. This may look like cocaine,”
HA HA HA HA HA HA
meleah rebeccahs last blog post..A Trivia Contest, Sara Silverman, And A Free DVD…Oh My!
Here here, Jay! Isn’t it ironic? The more masters and doctorates than ever, the world seems to have gotten stupider? Compare the present intellect to 100 years ago, I’ll take the common sense of 100 years ago.
petra michelles last blog post..Columbus Meets Captain Jack Sparrow
Well, that explains our choices for president in our upcoming election…
Oh yes! Thank you for the jollyness Jay. Brilliant writing
Haha . . .classic like the warnings on peanut butter “May contain traces of nuts” DUH!
Moon - That’s hilarious!!! But still, you got a card, huh?
Meleah -
Petra - Yes, I agree, I think common sense needs to get a little more credit around here!
Daniel - Aaahh!! You mean that’s how you guys choose them? ROFL!
Doris - Thank you! And how nice to see you! I still can’t get into your blog!! It says I need a password.
Help!
Baino - Oh, yes, that’s a good one. I saw one almost as good the other day. ‘Made in a factory which does not process nuts, no nuts in the ingredients, all ingredients organic and pure, cannot guarantee nut-free’. Makes you want to bang your head against a wall, doesn’t it?
Ahhhh good post, warning messages have gone crazy in the recent years, all thanks to various idiotic lawsuits brought by consumers.
Example, the HOT coffee lawsuit from McDonald’s.
The Real Mother Hens last blog post..I Ain’t My Mama
To answer your question:
Yes.
DrowseyMonkeys last blog post..Vote!
Trouble is, it’s most likey to be men who wuld send a card without removing the plastic - and we all know that men don’t read instructions!
Lizs last blog post..And what’s more
RMH - They have, haven’t they? And that case from McD’s opened the floodgates!!
DM - *Sigh* I fear you are right.
Liz - This is also true. They don’t ask for directions, either! LOL!
and it doesn’t stop there. there are instructions on shampoo bottles, face cream like we are that stupid. sometimes i even read the instructions to make sure i’m using the product right. weird
Naturals last blog post..Why Poverty?
“Perhaps even smacking it on the bottom with that packet of biscuits they couldn’t open.”
Hahahahaha!
I think they should abandon all warning labels. That way, the world will finally be rid of all the idiots.
Although that would leave pity few of us left then, wouldn’t it?
Maureens last blog post..Too Many Choices