Over the years, I have been known as a wrapper of neat and pretty gifts.Â I buy paper which I think the recipient will like, and I find nice ribbons and labels and take care with the seams and folds and only ever use clear tape so as not to detract from the effect. I take pride in it.
So this year’s crop has to be the worst-wrapped set of gifts I’ve produced since I was around six.Â There are gaps.Â There are torn-and-stuck-together bits.Â The paper is unearthed from the spare room, dusted off, and used, along with a very strange set of labels and an assortment of left-over Christmas tape from when the kids were small and such things were considered exciting.
My packages are just awful.Â But, which one is worst?
Is it the small and crumpled one with the loosely stapled-together ribbon?Â Is it theÂ flat one, gaping along the seams, or maybe the pretty, but slightly used-looking effort in tasteful gold with the Santa and robin tape?
Or could it be this one?
Note the nibbled appearance along the bottom edge (which is, in fact, a hole), the pathetic effort to decorate the vast area of black plastic with the left-over Christmas cards from ten years ago, and the completely inadequate ribbon.
Ah, well.Â It’s the thought that counts, isn’t it?
Or as we say in our house this year – between turning the air blue over our various aches and pains – ‘fuck it’.Â And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the Depp Effect.
Why worry about the details? Â Â We will have good food, cooked by my two lovely boys, we will have good company, and no doubt we will have silly games.Â Â Badly wrapped parcels can’t spoil our day.
Merry Christmas everyone!