A long while ago – at least twenty years – there was a super-sweet older couple. They were family friends of ours, going way back to the time my mother trained as a nurse in wartime London.
Mr & Mrs A were such kind, good people, and such fun, too! They were the first people I ever stayed with away from home and parents as a child, and they were good to me and I loved them dearly. Mr A told everyone that he would live till he was ninety-six, and we laughed tolerantly because it seemed he was one of those hale and hearty folk who are heading for the Queen’s Telegram. That’s him with Mrs A in the picture at the top of this post.
One day, in his ninety-sixth year, he was using a zebra crossing on the way to his daily coffee date with his friends when he was knocked down by a taxi, and suffered a broken leg. As so often happens with people of that age he went rapidly downhill after that, became a dependent, fearful old gentleman, and departed this life at ninety-six as a result of the ensuing health problems.
Today, I had news that Mrs B, an equally sprightly and wonderful old lady, also ninety-six years old, was killed crossing a minor road near her home. She had survived major heart surgery, and broken limbs in her old age, and still ran a club ‘for the old folks’, took foreign holidays, lived independently, knitted for her grandchildren and great-grandchildren, and resisted most attempts to help her with daily tasks on the grounds that she was quite capable, thank-you-very-much.
The guy who killed her was an ordinary man in his forties who had simply failed to slow down on turning into that road and finding himself blinded by the sun. He was reportedly fiddling with his sun visor when he hit her, but apparently without his foot on the brake.  He will probably be charged with manslaughter, or causing death by dangerous driving.
Less tragically, I lent my car to Son No. 2 a couple of years ago and he’d parked it overnight on a grass verge opposite the house where he was staying, and some blithering idiot smacked into it, nearly writing it off. He was, apparently, in a hurry to get to work, and was blinded by the sun. We said at the time, well, at least no-one was hurt.
It’s easy to be blazingly angry with these people. WHY did the taxi driver not notice Mr A crossing the road in front of him? WHY didn’t the idiot who killed poor Mrs B slow the car right down to a crawl till he could see where he was going? WHY didn’t the bastard who damaged my car do the same?
And while we’re at it, why didn’t Moon’s friend use a little more judgement and decide a) not to drive while under the influence of alcohol, and b) not take up the challenge to race another driver on a public road in the dark?
Yes, I’m angry at all these people – including the guy Moon’s friend killed, because it was partly his fault too, since you can’t race someone all by yourself. I’m still angry at the guy who hit Mr A, all these years later, though less so, and with more understanding. It’s easy to be angry, but it doesn’t alter anything. Mr A and Mrs B are still dead. The driver that Moon’s friend raced is still dead. My car got fixed, but that’s the difference between a Yaris and a person – if my car had been a person, they would be dead, too.
And today I was driving home in rush hour and was halfway round a roundabout, when a woman in a small family car accelerated out onto the roundabout in front of me and I ended up a yard or two from her rear bumper. She had a young fair-haired child in the back seat who looked about seven or eight, and a younger one in the front passenger seat, and she herself looked about twenty two – that’s how close I was to hitting her. I was in the correct lane, had right-of-way, and was doing less than the speed limit on that bit of road, and yet she nearly caused an accident in which her children could have been killed. She showed no sign of even noticing that she was in danger, and yes, I was angry at her, too.
To put it all in perspective, and make a little sense out of it all, I’d like to say this:
No-one is perfect. We all make mistakes, and we all exercise bad judgement at times. I’ve been lucky – none of my mistakes has resulted in the death of another person, or major injury, or even damage to anyone’s property, but I’ve still made those mistakes. And no doubt I will continue to make mistakes.
I will, however, make extra efforts not to take risks while driving. Especially when someone has been drinking, or when there are dependent beings in the car with me, children or animals.
Or, indeed, when the sun is shining.
This is such a hard issues, since we do all make mistakes. I have run a red light before and, very luckily, not hit anyone or caused any damage. However, I do think that we have to make a distinction between a momentary lapse of judgement and concentration, whatever the consequences, and someone that drinks and drives, street races and leaves the scene of an accident. Now, I have no doubt that Moon’s friend made some very stupid decisions and that he never, ever meant to hurt anyone, but he does need to learn his lesson so that he never does this again. We will all make mistakes and should be given second chances, but we also need to learn our lessons. We can chose not to get behind the wheel of a car after we have been drinking, but we cannot learn how to drive without the sun getting into our eyes and we will never be able to avoid being distracted at some point while we are driving. Some mistakes are avoidable some are not.
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I had a similar experience with a car accelerating out in front of me on a roundabout on the way home from work on Friday. I was about two metres from him, quite literally, when he sped out. Except it was a young male alone in the car so I wouldn’t have hit any innocent children, and… I was on my motorcycle so I would almost certainly have come off worst had I not been able to notice and brake in time, or even if there was a car too-close behind me who didn’t have such sharp brakes.
I wouldn’t be too pissed apart from the fact that the arsehole was looking right at me when he did it, so I spent about thirty seconds honestly hoping the bastard’s car flipped over and exploded the far side of the roundabout. If nothing else ’cause there are undoubtedly lots of motorcyclists around who go faster around roundabouts than me or have worse reactions.
It’s true that we all make mistakes at times, and some may be when driving. There are others that do drive dangerously. We were driving along a busy road in London and a chap was dodging in and out of the line of cars at a ridiculous speed, trying to gain ground. Many cars, including ours, had to break sharply as he cut in front, only to dart out again at the next opportunity. I’ve never seen driving like it. Suddenly, a little way up ahead, we heard a loud bang. We arrived at the scene just in time to see that he had smacked, head on, into railings that lined the road for a left turn. He backed off the railings, turned left and continued on his way with a badly smashed in car! Mo and I laughed as I suspect, many others did :O)
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Thoughtful stuff Jay. Although so often the repercussions are not felt by the perpetrators. My mother was killed in a head-on collision with a 4 wheel driver machinating an alibi after murdering his defacto and dumping her body . . he didn’t mean to kill anyone, just cause a minor accident that would put him in a certain place at a certain time. He did not know that during her nursing years, my mother had contracted TB and had half her lung removed. The remaining lobe was irrepairably damaged in the accident and she died within hours. He was jailed for the murder . . not the accident thanks to plea bargaining. I guess it’s best to drive defensively, retain your composure, don’t drink and drive and keep your fingers crossed.
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Wonderful, wonderful blog Jay. It is so easy to get angry with others but rationalise about your own faults isn’t it? My daughter had a bad accident riding pillion on a motor cycle when she was 16. Just a few seconds and the result was that she nearly lost both legs. Thankfully they managed to save them but she was in hospital for 6 months. It made me very aware of how quickly these things happen.
I’m considered overly cautious, however a very nice lady i know ran over a child after an Easter service. She just did not see him run in betweeen the parked cars. I’ve lost manyI’ve loved to accidents . sometimes they are just accidents,but we have a lot of contributors today – cell phones the most awful..
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I don’t think I could live with myself if I caused a car accident in which someone was hurt or killed. And yet, it’s so easy to be careless for one second. Even in the example you gave — it wasn’t your fault, but you still could’ve hit that other car. We all need to take a few seconds every time we get in our cars and THINK.
DBM – Absolutely – we do need to learn from our mistakes. I’m sure Moon’s friend will do so, but it’s costing him – and his family – dearly, isn’t it?
The unfortunate thing about drinking is that judgement is the first skill to go. However, I don’t think I’ve ever got behind the wheel after drinking more than a glass of wine, and used to hate to do even that. I’m also aware that driving while overly tired can be just as deadly. I have done that … but will not do so any more.
Jake – That is scary. Just remember that while you are more vulnerable, you are also more manoeuvrable and can fit through gaps that cars can’t fit through. You may need to think very quickly if you’re sandwiched, and slide up the side of the offending vehicle instead of slamming on the brakes. This has the advantage that you can give him the finger as you go past.
Babs – Now that is poetic justice! And perfect, too – he hurt no-one but himself, by the sound of things, and he clearly wasn’t badly hurt if he drove away. All careless drivers should end like that.
Sometimes I think it’s the only way they’ll learn!
Baino – Your poor mother! And you, too .. what a horrible thing to happen. So stupid and senseless. Shame they couldn’t get him for both killings, but I can see why they’d want to lock him up any way they could manage. Hard on you, though.
Yep, defensive driving is a must these days, isn’t it?
Ann – Thank you. I’m very sorry to hear what happened to your daughter, that must have been a dreadful time. We are sadly vulnerable on motorbikes. I’m glad she recovered well in the end.
Sandy – That’s awful … I bet she finds it hard to cope with that.
And it’s so true that there are too many potential distractions today. Although, actually, I’ve read that the biggest cause of ‘distraction’ accidents is having young children in the car.
JD – You’re absolutely right, I could have hit her and caused injury. If I’d been on the phone, or fiddling with my stereo, or even just looking in my rear view mirror at the wrong moment. Thank God I didn’t.
Oh dear, I left my comment to this post at the one below! I started to read other comments after i posted and thought, hmmm something doesn’t make sense here. Of course, it was me!
Meredith – No worries, though I can’t seem to move comments from one post to another, so I’ll let this one stand too.
Thanks for visiting!
Whilst I have every sympathy with drivers coping with “sun in the eyes” we should all remember that once behind the wheel of any car we are in charge of a potentially lethal weapon. Accidents don’t always happen to someone else. Some of the public information films on tv these days make me shudder, but let’s hope they get the message across. A x
Me again Jay – forgot to say Daughter and I plan to watch “Finding Neverland” together when she visits at Easter! She hasn’t seen it either! A x
Those that have followed my blogs may remember the lovely Uncle and Aunty I was evacuated to in Blackpool. He too (aged 74)lost his life late one night in Brighton. He was crossing the road during heavy rain when he was struck by a car. He died a few days later. The driver was a vicar. I’m not sure who was at fault.
I shudder when I think of things we did when we were a lot younger, and not so well informed as now. We drove home from parties having been drinking. We drove home from visiting family with our three children lying fast asleep in the boot area of our estate car! I can’t believe that we did these things, but seat belts weren’t part of the car then, and the children were cosy and warm and, we thought, safe! Thank God that they were.
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A sobering post. I’m driving 200 – 300 miles a day at the moment, and I’m all too aware of the inherent dangers.
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Good reminders.
One thing I’ve gotten into the habit of is wearing sunglasses when driving if there is the slightest bit of sun or glare. I read somewhere that It made a huge difference in reducing accidents.
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Such a wonderful post, Jay…I agree…I get angry when I see people driving down the highway, cellphone plugged into ear occupying brain space better spent on the roadway…that is my pet peeve. I find I’m still as quick to anger as always I was…it doesn’t get better with age…do you suppose Mr. A had a premonition about his death at age 96? Still can’t get over this post…I hope you’re calmed down now my friend…
hugs
Sandi
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Sometimes when I am driving it will suddenly hit me that i am in charge of a potential killing machine. It is so scary.
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SJ Anne – A lethal weapon, absolutely!
You’ll love Finding Neverland. Don’t forget to let me know what you and your daughter think!
Granny Grimble – How strange! Mr and Mrs A lived in the Brighton area, too!
I know what you mean about cringeing when looking back at what we did when we were younger… but the dangers hadn’t been well documented then, had they? Seat belt use was not compulsory, mobile phones hadn’t been invented, and traffic was lighter. We can’t judge our younger selves on today’s standards, but we can learn and adapt.
Solitary Walker – Stay safe, my friend!
Ruth – Yep, I keep a pair of prescription sunglasses in the car, even though I wear photochromics. They do go darker in sunlight, but it doesn’t work through glass anyway.
Sandi – Thank you. I agree – it’s actually illegal to use mobile (cell) phones while you’re driving here, and yet people do it all the time. Of course, if they have an accident the police check the call logs and if they’ve been using it at the time of the accident they throw the book at them, but that won’t bring back the dead or heal injuries.
I don’t know if Mr A had a premonition, but he’d been saying for years that he’d live till ninety-six. Coincidence? Maybe, maybe not. Who knows?
Liz – Me too. I learned that when I rode a motorbike, too. Not only is a bike a killing machine all by itself, but cars and trucks are bigger ones and can take you out in a second.
Sorry it takes me so long to get by here these days. My life is like a runaway train at this point, and I’m just hanging on for dear life!
Isn’t it amazing that Mr. A knew the year he would die? Funny how some people just seem to know. Or is it self-fulfilling prophecy?
Lots of people get run over in DC. I’ve had two friends/co-workers who were hit by cars crossing the street outside the office. Both suffered broken legs, and fortunately the drivers stopped. Not all of them do around here. Many, many hit-and-runs every year, which really burns me up! How can you run over a human being (or an animal for that matter) and just keep driving??
I share your frustration. But as long as there is a human-inhabited earth, there will be stupidity and a lack of remorse. Unfortunate as that is…D
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River Poet – You’re absolutely right, as long as there are human beings on the planet there will be stupidity – and aggression, too.
I didn’t know that a lot of people get run over in DC. I have a friend who lives in Maryland, just outside in the suburbs of the city. She’s one of the people responsible for keeping the mosquito population down. I guess she doesn’t drive in the city much. So sorry to hear about your co-workers getting hit by cars. I’m glad the drivers stopped for them. I don’t know how anyone can drive on, either.
So very sad to hear of the loss Of Mrs B. Certainly a tragedy and pointless death of a lovely person to be sure. It *does* strike a cord regarding wrecklessness and how sour it can turn. You make many good points, Jay. Lots of hugs, so sorry to hear of the loss of your friends.
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