So, last night, I had my shower early and was rootling around in the airing cupboard wearing my glasses and a smile (it’s OK to do that now the boys have left home) when OH came up the stairs.

‘Ooh!’ he whooped. ‘Naked woman on the landing!’

I gave him The Look.

‘Hang on,’ he said, peering at my derriere, ‘what’s that white stuff?’

I’m puzzled. Surely he has seen me dusted with talcum powder before? While I’m still trying to think of a suitable answer, he continues -

‘Ah, you’ve been at the coke again, haven’t you?’

I throw him a derisive ‘Ha!’

‘Here’s a tip,’ he says. ‘You’re putting it in the wrong end.’

I would smack him one, only I’m laughing too much.

While out walking the dogs, I suddenly felt quite odd. Shaky, and hot, and a little bit dizzy. I had to sit down on a stile.

Other Half was concerned: ‘Are you alright? Do you want me to call an ambulance?’

Me: ‘Not unless it’s manned by two handsome young men.

OH: ‘I can put in a request.’

You can see it now, can’t you? Imagine OH ringing the ambulance service.

OH: ‘I need an ambulance for my wife - she’s come over all funny on our dog walk!’

Ambulance service: ‘What are her symptoms?’

OH: ‘She’s feeling very hot, and she’s shaky. Oh, and she says could she have two handsome young men in the ambulance?’

Ambulance service: ‘How old is she?

*OH answers*

Ambulance service: ‘So … she’s the wrong side of fifty, she’s suddenly feeling very hot and she wants two handsome young men?’ Background laughter. ‘Just leave her to sit quietly for ten minutes. She’ll be fine. Oh, and it might be worth having a word with her doctor about HRT.’

I didn’t get the ambulance. Pity. I still think the two young men would have helped.

Planning our upcoming holiday which includes a stay in Las Vegas -

Me: Do you wanna see a show?

OH: Maybe.

Me: We could go and see Bette Midler.

OH: I’d rather not …

Me: Oh, look - The Chippendales are on!

*Pause*

OH: Bette Midler sounds good!