Imagine my surprise the other day when I visited Baino’s Banter and found I’d been .. um, Not Tagged.

I mean, there’s this meme, right? The idea is that you follow the instructions and then tag four people - you know the kind of thing. But being an Aussie and doing everything upside down, Baino decided that she wasn’t going to put us on the spot by tagging us … and then she named four people anyway, one of which was me! Being the prim and proper, ultra-polite English lady that I am, I immediately felt I had to take on the responsibility and accept the meme. Well, it’s the way we are, you know. We queue, and everything.

So what is this meme? Well, actually it’s rather fun. What you have to do is this:

If you had to select celebrities/actors to play the parts in the story of your life today (including yourself!), who would it be and why - this can be based on looks or personality.

The Rules -

1. List the people who would play you, and the key people in your life.
2. Give credit to the person who tagged you.
3. Link your answers to the original blog, that’s here at iRamble.
4. Tag four new people to participate.

So, I have to think of an actor to play me, and also actors to play the key people in my life. This means Other Half, of course, my two sons, my mother, and perhaps even the two dogs.

I’m having a bit of a shitty week right now. Mostly it’s hormonal, I’m guessing, but there have been various upsets and disagreements and disappointments and quite honestly, I doubt I’m a lot of fun to be with. Now, who’d want to be me this week? Can I choose a male character to be me? Of course I can!

Right then. I’m going to be Crazy Mort from Secret Window. I feel schizophrenic and homicidal, and I’m just about as well-groomed as Mort, even if I’m not half as sexy (I’m working on that). But I do feel that sitting around all day in my dressing gown complaining and eating junk and being alternately childish and extremely aggressive would work quite well for me right now.

As to Other Half, well, he’d have to be Johnny Depp himself, clearly. He doesn’t actually bear much resemblance to him physically, I admit, but on the inside he’s just as lovely. Independent of mind, stubborn of nature, moral, ethical and mindful of people’s feelings … most of the time, that is, unless someone has really pissed him off, in which case it’s a big middle digit to the world. He’s talented and intelligent, too, though you’d have to torture him to get him to admit it, because he’s one of the most modest men I know. So, there you go. Obvious choice, really.

Neither of my sons fit very neatly into any Johnny Depp character that I can think of, so I’m going to have to stretch the truth a little. Yes, of course they have to be Johnny Depp characters. What were you thinking? Haven’t you seen the title of this blog?

So. No. 1 son will be Agent Sands, who you will see being very violent and bloody in this clip from Once Upon A Time in Mexico. He’s witty and sardonic and would love to be able to get hold of people who irritate him and blast them out of existence. Purely in his fantasies, naturally - I don’t want you running away with the idea that I gave birth to a homicidal maniac - but he does tend to wish out loud that he had Las Cannons fitted to his car.

No. 2 son is a very, very funny guy, who honestly doesn’t believe just how funny he is, and totally refuses even to consider a career as a stand-up comedian, despite me assuring him he’d make a million and could look after us both in our old age. So he’ll have to be sweet Sam, from Benny and Joon, who was an amazingly talented comedian who thought he was nothing special. Unlike Sam, however, No. 2 son has not been made to sleep under the sink. Ever.

My mother is probably most like Mrs Vernon-Williams in Cry Baby - she’s the well-preserved older lady in navy blue with pearls and a big hat. To all appearances she’s very prim and proper and mindful of her position in the family, and she’s not above manipulating people to get them do what she thinks would be best for them. However, there’s much more to her than meets the eye and in a tight corner, she’ll always come through for you.

The Pirate? No prizes for guessing this one - the Pirate is Captain Jack Sparrow, and always has been. He is a happy-go-lucky sort of chap, always on the make, and always wondering why the rum food is gone. He is a dyed-in-the-wool physical coward who screams blue murder if you look at him funny, yet if you corner him, he’ll accept his fate. Well, he’ll appear to. Actually, he’s keeping a very sharp eye out for the slightest opportunity to escape, and if you drop your guard, he’s gone. And he has a very funny was of running that makes him look slightly drunk.

The Princess? Let me see … she’s very beautiful and she knows it, and she’s opinionated. She loves to be the centre of attention and to be petted and praised, and she’ll yap and yap and stamp her little foot until that happens for her. Who does that remind you of? Why, yes, now that you come to mention it! Elizabeth Swann from Pirates of the Caribbean!

So, who can I Not Tag? I think I’d like to see Babs of Beetle Blog, Scratch of An Itchy Blog, Joe of Practically Wisdom, and Angi of We Sleep for Dreaming have a go at this.  And I’m adding River Poet, who has her hand up in the corner over there yelling ‘Me! Me! Pick me!’

Don’t let me put you on the spot, guys, but if you feel like joining in, that’d be great!  Oh, and don’t forget to check out the carefully chosen video links.  As I mentioned, the ‘Mexico’ one is gory, but there’s some fun stuff in the rest.

*Psst! Baino - did I do the Not Tagging thing OK?*

Here’s something which has been getting on my nerves for a long time, but I’m fast approaching screaming point.

Now that there are 24-hour news channels, you might think you should have access to a greater range and variety of news and a professional approach to delivery and presentation? Well, maybe you should, but you don’t. What you get is the same amount of news spread very thinly by presenters rehashing the same old headline stories hour after hour, and reporters who surely must have been told ‘Try to spin it out as long as you can, Bob, me old mate. We’ve got five minutes to fill here, and only three sentences for you to say’.

Bob comes on and he stands before the bloody camera and it soon becomes apparent that he is pathologically incapable of completing a singe sentence without saying ‘er’ several times. Tonight, listening to a report on the conflict in Georgia, I counted eight ‘er’s in one short sentence! I tell you what, if those guys were fined £100 each time they said ‘er’ we could shore up the National Health service within a week - and be able to fund those kidney cancer drugs that NICE won’t let the doctors prescribe!

Sometimes it seems they become conscious of what they’re doing to the delicate sensibilites of those used to a better conversational style, and they’ll just start to pause between each word. I don’t know which is worse, actually, sprinkling every sentence liberally with ‘er’ as if it’s the verbal equivalent of chocolate chips on ice cream, or those deadly little short pauses between words. It sounds as if the guy is having an asthma attack and it certainly doesn’t make for comfortable listening.

Someone needs to tell them that the combination of the staccato delivery and the over-use of the phonemes ‘um’, ‘er’, and ‘ah’ makes the news extremely irritating to listen to. If anyone ever opens a 24-hour news station that not only delivers more varied and broader-based news items but does it with decent presentation, I for one will be hooked, and I suspect that many other people will, too.

As it is, I’m ready to throw something heavy at the TV.

Listen up guys. Some of us would like to hear articulate presenters who use proper sentence construction and know how to speak publicly and keep our attention. We’d also like to know what else is going on in the world apart from that big headline story - especially when you’ve run out of things to bloody say about it!!

BTW, that reporter in the picture is ‘Richard - Er - Galpin’. I kid you not, that’s what the presenter said.

In line with my new policy of getting a little bit more exercise and at the same time making sure that The Princess also gets enough exercise, now that The Pirate is fast approaching thirteen years old, I took her out by herself this morning for a longer and faster walk than either of us have been used to lately. It went really well!

She’s a lazy dog. No, really, she is. Her idea of a good time is lying upside down on the sofa with her legs in the air, being fed an occasional treat. If someone sits next to her and pets her, she’s in heaven. However, when I take her out by herself, her head goes up and she can pick up the pace to a nice easy trot, and that equates to a fairly fast walk for me, which is perfect.

Today we walked up to the old Roman waterway, Carr Dyke (now part of the fen drainage system), and then cut across the fields in the direction of the next village. We dropped down onto a back road instead of following the path all the way through, and then, after a few dozen yards, hopped up onto a footpath heading back towards our house, where I’d arranged to meet Other Half and The Pirate to walk the rest of the way home with them. This gave The Princess and I just over forty minutes of fast walking, which made me just warm enough to welcome the heavy shower which began a few moments later. Ah, summer rain … quite lovely, it is!

The butterfly on the yellow flowers is a Gatekeeper, and they’re very common round here. I’d just like to make special mention of that yellow flower, because it’s Oxford Ragwort, a plant which livestock owners rightly fear. It is highly toxic but occasionally it’s eaten by grazing stock - and it causes long term liver damage. Many farmers and stock owners would like to see it wiped off the face of the earth. I have some sympathy with that view, but I would just like to point out that the jolly little chap in the striped pyjamas pictured here is the caterpillar of the strikingly beautiful Cinnabar Moth. And ragwort is one of their very limited range of food plants.

These caterpillars are capable of stripping a ragwort plant to its bare stem. In contrast, pouring weedkiller on ragwort, and/or mowing or ploughing, seems to have little effect on its survival, while at the same time destroying the edible parts of the plant that the Cinnabar caterpillar feeds on. It seems to me that this partial control merely reduces the numbers of the plant’s biological enemy, and I wonder if that’s wise.

Just something to ponder, I thought, but it seems I’m out of touch. Ragwort UK already breeds Cinnabar moths and sells them for biological control.

The butterfly - or moth, I’m still not entirely sure - on the white flower to the left here looks very much to me like a male Scarce Copper. The only thing wrong with that theory is that Scarce Coppers aren’t found on this side of the Channel, so it might be a Small Skipper, but it seems far too dark and coppery. Anyone?

Apparently, I’m in the habit of brutalising donkeys … ?

Oh, wait - the Kick Ass Blogger award comes from an American lady, so it doesn’t actually mean that at all. Thank heavens for that - I rather like donkeys. It means that my blog is really, really good! Or that I’m really, really good at blogging. Take your pick, but whichever way you slice it, YAY ME! I’m doing the Happy Dance!

Many thanks and a big hug to Babs of Beetle Blog for being so kind as to think of me as a Kick Ass Blogger. I do my best, of course, but there are so many truly great blogs out there that each time I have an award passed along to me, I’m surprised, flattered, and very touched. You’ve made my day, Babs! And now, I’m going to make someone else’s day - actually, I’m going to make five peoples’ day. Days. Whatever.

So, who do I think of as a Kick Ass Blogger? Well, you know, first off, I’m going to have to nominate my Other Half, the Jolly Nice Chap himself: Yellow Swordfish. He is the one who got me into blogging in the first place, and I felt I had a lot to live up to. His blog is great, but because he doesn’t actively court comments, it doesn’t get a huge number of them, even though he’s been up and running now for three years. Go say hi, it’ll make his day.

So, continuing with the ‘blogs that inspire me’ yardstick, I come to Ruth Hull Chatlien, of Ruth’s Visions and Revisions. Ruth has a way of looking at life and digging the meaning out of most situations, whether positive or negative, and I find that inspirational. I think you may do, too. She is a Kick Ass Blogger and deserves the award.

Next up is Chris, of Formerly Fun. You will laugh, you will cry, you will cross your legs and hope to die .. Oh, hang on, maybe you haven’t read Spa Tips or Manscaping the Manzillian yet? Inspired? You will be! I’m told that she has several clients over the age of 65, so I have more than a decade yet to decide whether I want to go that route. Like to know more? Go and read! The Manscaping one is in three parts, and you need to start with the link supplied then go find the rest. It’s worth it, believe me. Unless you’re male, in which case you might want to skip it. Tee hee.

Of Cabbages and Kings is inspiring in a different way. Jenn is a humour blogger, and very funny she is too. She’ll have you looking for the lighter side of your life in no time, because that’s what she does. All the time. I’m not sure what she’ll inspire you to do, but it will be fun, I can promise you that.

My last nominee is I’d Rather be Blogging. Like me, Maureen writes about a variety of things. There are reminiscences, there are diary-type entries, there is commentary on life, and also like me, she’s a Johnny Depp fan - oh, and she’s funny. Apart from the content, the design of Maureen’s blog is rather wonderful, too. I’m a fan of the clean look - as you can see by my own. Minimalist, me. Well, Maureen isn’t minimalist, but the overall look is clean and bright and still manages to be fun and inviting. Way to go, Maureen!

Here are the rules (there are always rules)

1) Choose five other bloggers that you feel are “Kick Ass Bloggers�
2) Let them know that they have received an award.
3) Link back to both the person who awarded you and also to www.mammadawg.com
4) Visit the Kick Ass Blogger Club HQ to sign Mr. Linky and leave a comment.

One of the reasons I like awards is because it’s fun to make people happy, but I also like awards because it’s a good way to find other blogs you might like. So off you go - and have fun!