Hmm … ABC Wednesday has reached the letter ‘K‘ … not the easiest of letters, is it?  Should I show you my knitting?

Pretty, isn’t it?  The blue is the fastening strap for a greyhound coat, which I’m making to donate to a shelter, only now I have no dog to try it on I’m lost, and I don’t know how long to make it.

The other piece is a fuzzy scarf.  I’m not a fast knitter, and I’ve been clacking away at these two things for over a year.

Well, alright, since you’re not impressed by my knitting, how about some kit?  As in ‘drum’.

I’d like to tell you that it’s mine and I’m a secret and very skilled drummer, but it isn’t, and I’m not.  This drum kit belongs to Son No. 2, who has no room for it in his house, so it sits there taking up all the space between the bed and the wall in our spare room.  I hate to think what it would sound like if a guest fell out of bed one night.  It’s a shame you don’t spell ‘cacophony’ with a ‘K‘!

Also hanging around in the spare room is this bunch of keys.

I’ve had them for so long that I can’t actually remember where they came from, but they’re rather nice, aren’t they? And they provide a little interest, hanging on a knob up there.   I guess I have strange taste in home decor.  Or perhaps I should say ‘stranger taste than you thought’!

Talking of keys reminds me of a picture I took from the inside of Alcatraz prison.  It’s a bullet hole in a window, but I have always thought of it as a ‘keyhole‘ shot.

It’s a very forbidding place, and that bullet-hole was put there during a riot.  It was clearly no kindergarten on that island.

Anyway.  Let’s move on to something a little more fun.  I’ll tell you what those keys remind me of, shall I?  They’re so old-fashioned and heavy that they remind me of the second Pirates of the Caribbean movie, ‘Dead Man’s Chest’.  And guess who starred in those movies?

That’s right!  A young woman called Keira Knightley!  And here she is.

And, coincidentally, there HE is, too – the lovely Johnny Depp!  I don’t care about that other guy.

Talking of Keira,  here she is again, on a magazine alongside two other ‘K‘s, Katie and Kate – but don’t ask me what their surnames are, because I haven’t a clue!

I know who that guy is in the top right hand corner though.  That’s Johnny.  And wouldn’t we like to know his sexy secrets?  But trust me, that magazine doesn’t give anything much away.  Really.

Here’s one of my beautiful new knives.

I bet you’re wondering how on earth I got onto knives from the ‘K‘ ladies, aren’t you?  Well, it’s simple.   Johnny Depp up in the corner there reminds me of Jack Sparrow who had a very long knife indeed.  Some might call it a sword, but when it comes down to it, it’s just a knife, is it not?  Right then.  Anyhow, the other day, OH went and bought me this complete set of Robert Welch knives to cheer me up.  He knows the way to my heart, you see.  If chocolate won’t do it, chances are a beautiful and very sharp knife will – and he bought me six of them!  Each one is an object of beauty and elegance, and I love them.

The block even comes with its own sharpener.  Isn’t that great?

And because I’m kind, and I know knives give some of you the creeps, I have saved you something pretty till last, to soothe your nerves.

These are ‘pirate treasure’ kilt pins.  I made these for my friends one Christmas, but I forgot to save one for myself.  I think I might need to make one just for me.

In the mail today, came a couple of pieces of junk mail, one of which was the local villages newsletter.   It’s the local ‘villages’ newsletter, not the local ‘village’ newsletter, because it covers no less than eleven parishes, and it occasionally contains nuggets of interesting information – local boot sales, charity events, services, bus timetable changes, stuff like that, as well as some genuine local news.

One such news item was the one above.  It concerns some excavations made in the garden of what used to be John Clare’s cottage – a focus of reverent attention to those who enjoyed his famous poetry.  I’m afraid I’m not one of them.  To me, John Clare‘s poetry is basically rather tedious, but then, I’ve never claimed to be a poetry expert.  Anyway, I’m glad I read this because I found it quite entertaining and had to check if it was the first of April yet.  It wasn’t, so I have to assume the article is genuine and sincere.

Seems the serious-minded rural poet, much revered for his nature poetry which is regarded as having depth and considerable importance, occasionally turned his hand to writing limericks.  Rather bad ones, if you ask me, but as I said, I’m no expert.  I merely offer, for your delectation, a news item containing these limericks and you can judge for yourself.  Click on the pic to enlarge.

Oh, and the other piece of junk mail was a leaflet offering the services of a local car valeter.  Remember this?

Well, he’s still in business, and I think he’s improving!  Good for him, say I!

We drove into the city today to pick up a few things.  You know; food and such, magazines, books – the essentials of life.  Sadly Whittards and Boaters have both gone down the tubes recently so my favourite vanilla coffee was not available, and that is an essential of life, but hopefully I can get something online, or there may be violence perpetrated against innocent furniture when my last few granules are gone.

So there we were, strolling along, when my eye was caught by this fellow.  He was about to buy himself a coffee, coincidentally, though I have no way of knowing if his taste runs to vanilla.

Anyway.  What could a good blogger do but take her life in her hands and go and accost said strange-looking stranger and ask for a photograph?  I would like to report that OH grabbed my arm and tried to dissuade me, or at least came with me for protection, but sadly he did neither.  He wandered off, and left me to brave the Viker Biker alone and defenceless!

Luckily, he turned out to be a really nice guy.  His name is Mark Slater, and he’s been dressing like a Viking warrior on wheels since 2004, when the idea first came to him that it might be fun, and he began making his own costume.

He gave me a beaming smile when I asked if I could take his picture, and posed happily for two shots, then chatted a while about what fun it was to walk around in the costume, and told me he had an act where he calls himself ‘Spoondini’ and makes people laugh by sticking metal objects to himself.  He loves to entertain people.  He’ll stick an iron to his forehead just to make them gasp, or hang spoons and forks about his face and hands with no apparent means of support. Sadly, his attempt to make the big time by auditioning on Britain’s Got Talent came to naught when he scored a universal thumbs-down and was told he simply wasn’t entertaining and didn’t have ‘an act’.  Well, I thought he was jolly entertaining.  He entertained me, anyway!

He gave me a card with his website address on it, and a picture of himself as his alter ego ‘Spoondini’ .

I told him I used to ride a bike but gave up when I got fibromyalgia and thought perhaps what with all the aches and pains and falling asleep all the time I’d better quit.  He told me he was a Type II diabetic and that he was forty-eight years old and was wondering whether he ought to quit.  He said he thought he might be getting too old.

‘Trust me, you’re never too old’, I told him, and he gave me another beaming smile and patted me on the shoulder as I turned to leave.

See?  You should never judge people by appearances.  Trust your instincts.  Mine told me that black and spiky people are probably OK – and this one, at least, was more than OK.

He was a Jolly Nice Chap!

So.  I’m guessing you all think my ABC Wednesday contribution this week is just going to be jam-packed with Johnny, don’t you?

Well.

How about I show you my collection of pressed glass jugs instead?

Actually, this is only part of my collection, and also in the cabinet is a little photo album of pictures of my first dog, Jim, with his collars and tags.  He was a good dog, just as the album says.

Or perhaps you’d like to see this little pile of books – all with a ‘J‘ connection.  Some have titles beginning with ‘J‘, like ‘Jingo‘, and ‘Just So Stories’, others merely have a ‘J’ in the title, or perhaps the author’s name begins with that letter.  There is one which might puzzle you – ‘The Otter Book’ has neither a ‘J‘ in the title nor the author’s name, but the otter concerned is called ‘Juggles‘.  It was one of my very favourite books as a child.

I could show you one of my favourite hobbies – jewellery making.

Here are some of the tools of the trade, together with a couple of books on the subject – one of which is by Linda Jones.  And, will you look at that?  Jack Sparrow seems to have got into the shot!

I actually made some jewellery inspired by Jack, you know.  Here it is -

I rather like it – I’m wearing it now, as a matter of fact.  The knots slide, so you can adjust it to hang exactly where you want it.  Clever, innit?

Anyway, talking of books, I do have other books with ‘J‘ in the title.  Here’s one about a different Jack: Jack the Ripper.

It’s fascinating stuff.  You know they never caught him, don’t you?  And now we’ll never know who Jack really was.  It’s a chilling thought.

There are, of course, certain other books in this house with a ‘J‘ in the title.  And other Johnny-related stuff too. I can’t help it. People keep giving it to me, and I’m not going to refuse it, am I?

Actually, that little lot is interesting, because among the gifts are the programme and the name tag I was given when I went to the Pirates of the Caribbean marathon ‘all three movies back-to-back finishing with the premiere of At Worlds’ End’ showing at the El Capitan theatre in Hollywood.  It was such fun!  And those little ‘coins’ are paper representations of the Aztec gold from the movie, and they rained them down on us during the showing.

All of those movies starred Jack Sparrow, didn’t they?  And Jack is everywhere.  In fact, the very first signed picture I was given was this one -

OH bought me that.  I think he chose it to mark the very moment when I became a willing victim of JDOCD.

In case the nature of this disorder still isn’t quite clear, you will find a detailed description of its symptoms and progress here.  Put your drinks down before you read it, because it’s hilarious – even to a victim sufferer participant.

Oh – and we shouldn’t forget where Johnny started, should we?

Yes, this is the TV series that shot him to fame as a jeune homme.  And very young he was too – that’s him in the middle.  Can you see any Jack in him?  No?  Well, it’s difficult.  Actually, you know, he played another Jack when he was even younger … but we won’t talk about that.

There.  Once again, my fellow Depp fans do not go away disappointed.  Aren’t I kind to you?

And to finish?  How about we fast-forward to Mr June?

I’m quite looking forward to this one!

Oh .. there is one more ‘J‘, of course – me!  I am Jay!

And here I am photographing a cicada somewhere in LA.

Where it was jolly hot!