I woke with a killer neck spasm today. A killer. I could hardly life my head from the pillow without my brain feeling as if it was about to explode. I do have a dodgy neck, but this is different, it feels like a genuine muscle spasm and I hope it goes away, very very soon, or woe betide anyone who looks at me funny today.

Meanwhile, I’m seriously lacking in creativity, so I’ll pass along a fun meme from Demob Happy Teacher. I’m not going to nominate anyone because that would take brain-power. Read it or not, as you please. Use it or don’t use it, it’s up to you.

Think of it as interlude music.

My ex… boyfriend, one I had in the early seventies, wanted to marry me. I told him no, he married someone else within six months, and within a year had tried to kill her with a breadknife.

Maybe I should… take some more codeine.

I love… Other Half, my kids, my dogs, my Mum, my friends, chocolate, flowers, reading, making jewellery, photoshop, and Johnny Depp

People would say… I’m untidy. Yep. I am

I don’t understand… cruelty to animals or children or anyone who is vulnerable.

When I wake up in the morning… I am so pleased I don’t have a job to go to.

I lost… a silver crucifix on a chain, set with marcasites and given to me by my Grandmother, while out riding on a heath when I was about fifteen. I still miss it.

Life is full of… pain, right now.

My past is… gone.

I get annoyed when… people don’t listen.

Parties are… only fun if your friends are there.

I wish… this pain in my neck would go away.

Dogs… teach us a lot if we’re willing to learn.

Cats… give me severe hay fever symptoms and affect my breathing.

Tomorrow… maybe this pain will be gone?

I have low tolerance… for stupidity.

If I had a million dollars… I would invest it.

I’m totally terrified… of a lot of things, but not spiders or snakes.

Thank you, Happy Non-Teacher! I needed that today!

Yesterday, a distressing thing happened.

I had an email from the iLap people telling me once again that they couldn’t help me with my problem. You see, a couple of years ago I bought one of these wonderful things. I mean, it really is wonderful. I spend a lot of time using the laptop, and I use it on my lap! Yeah, I know, crazy, huh? And the problem is that they get hot, and then you get hot, and there have actually been reports of people getting burns on their legs (and other parts) from the things. So I bought an iLap, which is a lightweight, angled platform which rests on your lap and provides air circulation for both you and your Mac. Sorry, Windows users, you’ll have to find your own solution!

Anyway. When the iLap arrives, you get four neat little silicone ‘dots’ to stick on it. These provide air space for the computer, and they also stop it sliding forward and ending up in your … um … lap. So, over time, these little dots started sliding forward, very gradually, with the weight of the computer - gravity doing its funky stuff, you know - and eventually came off. I found that even with cleaning and resticking, they didn’t stay stuck, so I contacted the dealer and requested some more, and they told me they didn’t keep them. I wrote back and asked what was I supposed to do, buy a whole new iLap? And the email I got yesterday just said again, we can’t help you, try Rain Design, who actually make the thing. I will do that, and I’ll let you all know what happens.

The most distressing thing is that it’s the second time this has happened lately. I’ve bought a good product, which works really well, but relies on a fairly cheap part to make it work really well, and when that part has failed, I’ve found that it’s not replaceable.

The other thing was a polished wood raised dog feeding station. This thing is designed to hold food and water at a convenient height for tall dogs, who may or may not have neck and/or spine problems. Because it is wood, the stainless steel bowls that are supplied have a rubber ring around the edge which is removable for cleaning. Now, you will gather from the ‘polished wood’ part and the ’stainless steel bowls’ part that this piece of furniture was not cheap. But can I buy replacement rubber rings, now that one has perished and fallen off? No. I cannot.

We live in a disposable society, and that has to change for many reasons. But for crying out loud - when you are left with a perfectly good piece of kit in full working order except for a cheap and easily replaceable component which is, for some reason, unavailable to buy? That just makes me want to smack someone.

My temporary solution to the iLap problem is to glue some cheap and cheerful stick-on pads and cover them with Hi-Tack craft glue. Those are the black things you can see stuck to the iLap in the picture. It works, but it’s ugly.

Update!  A very nice lady from Rain Design is going to put some in the post for me!  Isn’t that nice of her?  Restores my faith in human nature!

Aaah … you knew I’d have to do it! Couldn’t resist, mate!

Johnny Depp won two awards last night! He won Best Comedic Performance for Captain Jack Sparrow, and he won Best Villain for Sweeney Todd.

And he looked gorgeous (no surprise there) and about twenty years old (no surprise there, either) and he has a new tattoo on the inside of his left forearm which says ‘Silence, Exile, Cunning’. It’s a quote from ‘A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man’ by James Joyce, and embodies a philosophy of non-compromise and honesty in his approach to life, and his artistic integrity.

You can see the show on the MTV site, but only if you’re in the US. Otherwise, you can find the Best Comedic Performance here, and the Best Villain here, both on YouTube.

Now, see what he’s done? I’ve spent so long looking at the press pictures and watching the videos that I’ve forgotten to put my own little Pirate’s eye drops in!

*Runs off to remedy that immediately*

My thanks to MorgueFile for the use of this photograph.

We came across this swan today, while walking the dogs down by the river. I was thankful that the nest was built down at the side of a bridge, and I was able to get close and still keep railings in between us, because I have a healthy respect for swans sitting on nests, especially when I have dogs with me. I read once in a local newspaper about a man who was walking two retrievers who got too close to a nest and the swans actually made a serious attempt to drown them. They were only saved because the man was able to distract the birds long enough for his dogs to swim to shore. But that’s perfectly natural behaviour when the swans are defending their young.

No, the weird thing is this. If you look closely at the picture, you’ll see that the swans have incorporated a ton of junk into their platform. Old plastic bags, crushed two-litre drink bottles, all kinds of stuff, though mostly plastic.

I’d like to tell them that as a decorative effort it doesn’t work too well, but I guess the swans might think differently, and I’m wondering if they’re smarter than I give them credit for. I mean, what if all that plastic is supposed to act as a buoyancy aid, should the river flood? Of course, it would have been better to choose bottles with the tops still firmly screwed on, but still … not bad for a bird brain. Or perhaps it’s camouflage? The swan is white, some of the plastic is white, or white-ish … ?

Has anyone else seen anything like this? Is it common for swans to collect rubbish for their nests? And why do they do it? Such beautiful birds to surround themselves with ugly stuff!